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Because I could
not stop for Death --
He kindly stopped for me --
The carriage held but just ourselves
And immortality.
~~Emily Dickinson
Lunacy half-steps as soon as we mate.
Madness is eradicated when we mate with
that one angel who delves into the same
stream of the collected consciousness as you
do. Not as lofty as they sound, if you start
with the possibility that the only thing that
really exists is the self - YOU! We make the
only reality our capacity allows and if you
never mated, you would reach a point when
you wonder if even YOU really exist. Cogent
connections are the carbon datings of
proving she really exists, so ta-ta meltdowns.
Today's lesson: take-a-bullet devotion = life
everlasting. M O R E January 30, 2006 To be worth
making at all a journey has to be made in the
mind as much as in the world of objects and
dimensions. What value can there be in
seeing or experiencing anything for the first
time unless it comes as a revelation? And for
that to happen, some previously held
thought or belief must be confounded, or
enhanced, or even transcended. What
difference can it make otherwise to see a
redwood tree, a tiger, or a humming bird?
~~Ted Simon
Our cohesion registers my assurance that
medical fixes keep us in the zone as much as
any fine ingredient. Getting promises is
unnecessary because the trust level is way
above the peak of the scale. She knows that
my works-in-progress filagree matches her
pedigree like our matching skins. Getting rid
of the dizzies will cast out any fears that
rock the world moments
might come with a price. She rocks my world
with the level of love that 's transcendent
beyond quaffable with trust. Gotta click up
the range of motion a notch. January 29, 2006 One of the
good things about getting older is you find
you're more interesting than most of the
people you meet.
~~Lee Marvin
There's something about being told to fix
something about me that reminds me
competent people do best fixing the things
about themselves the way that works best,
unless help is requested. PLUS, fixing
something every day isn't always what the
day gives you. Getting everyday things like
cleaning and cooking to be positive
accomplishments is so easy compared to
implementing systems and motivating
salaried co-workers. Now about those
collective consciousness moments, aren't
they a helluva gas? She sees right through
the traffic cones and sails clearly as I speak.
The Aristocrats would've worked better if
they used the joke about the guy who
scammed a free drink at a bar by pleading for
understanding that he's an accomplished
song writer and the bartender calls his bluff
and arranges for him to play at the keyboard.
He does and gets a standing ovation to which
the bartender inquires why that song alone
hasn't made the maestro a fortune. When
told that no publisher would touch it, he
asked "what's the title anyway" and was told
"I Love You So Fucking Much I Can't Shit"
Ba-vroom-shish! Ah, the movie still would
have sucked. Sunday delites and cool January
nights make for weekend hilites. There is
a time in every man's education when he
arrives at the conviction that envy is
ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he
must take himself for better for worse as his
portion; that though the wide universe is full
of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can
come to him but through his toil bestowed
on that plot of ground which is given to him
to till.
~~Ralph Waldo Emerson
If jealousy is the fear of losing something and
envy is the wish to have someone's
possessions, what's the name of having
neither? I want to protect, secure and
perpetuate my life with her but there's no
jealousy or anything resembling a fear of
losing her PLUS there's nothing I want that
somebody has, so maybe that explains my
temerity towards restraint of just saying the
truth. The risk here is chosing this media that
grants world access where it used to require
access to the drawer with all the papers
stashed in it or accompanying chosen
patrons to the storage area where the art was
stored. My belief says no one is reading or
critiquing here but us - the only ones who
understand why. After hearing about
pilgrimages and why they're healthy spiritual
purges, I realized this is like a pilgrimage without the horrors. So just like the canvasses in the
garage evolving to HTML, retrieval and
.psd's., pilgimage purging is equalized by
staying attuned to the messages from the
soul. I'm getting getting success feelings in
the four areas of concern today and a
weekend that launches with that temerity
mentioned above. She's receptive and oh so
am I. {{here's to you,
Wolfgang \_/ \_/}} January 26, 2006
When I
approach a child
He inspires in me two sentiments:
Tenderness for what he is,
And respect for what he may become.
~~Louis Pasteur
My mirror shows me what I've become. Not
so much the crevasses and the flaps but more
the imaginary time lapse stream reminding
me of the terrain covered so far. It's a
spectacular view from the top, where I need
look no further than her hand touching me
to explain the perfection. I promised her a life
filled with joy and affection everyday, the
stud muffin came included. The top is also a
threshold, opening to a place where
finessing thru the rapids needs alot of
steadiness and durability to back bone the
ride, where the water spray in your face and
the sweet smell of the rain forrest is equalled
without ever leaving your spot. Bill was right
asking where do we want to go today? I want
to go there and I already am. January 25, 2006 Absence is
to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes
the small, it enkindles the great."
~~Comte DeBussy-Rabutin
Sleep deprivation is like the first week the
first time you go on Atkins, you can pick up
the phone, but the dial tone is silent. But like
the postal service, neither rain, nor hail nor
fuzzy brain waves can keep these words from
flowing. Great connections with the family
glamour girl today. I let the pixels brighten
the screen with today's version of Hey, how
are you doin'? to compensate for lack of
brilliance this morning. Closing in on a third
of a century - gee, the time's going fast. Made
it to the safe zone without ever paying for
sex, crossing the buttocular line or going
ebony. All-American like Norman Mailer. Got
me a trophy girl, too. January 24, 2006 I have discovered that when
we least care to admit it, we feel more confused than
thankful, more caught than called, more worried than
gracious. In humble moments when we can no longer gloss
over the roughness of life, gratitude has a way of pushing out
the real soreness of feeling cheated or inadequate to the
rugged realities of the world. Gratitude seemed to be a handy
response to dodge the tough things for which there are no
simple or comforting answers.
~~Patrick J. Malone, S.J.
So today is supposed to be the bleakest day of the year
because: 1) it's far from next Christmas (YAY!) 2) debt due
from last Christmas (??) 3) January weather sux (60&sunny?)
and some crapola about no Harry Potter & Super Bowl.
Sounds an awful lot like du jour living, as in bored with today,
boo-hoo. Maybe that's why I'm experiencing none of the
above, du jour here is magnifique! Monty Alexander - What a
Friend We Have in Jesus. Pork sausage on a roll. How adorable she looked this morning, the red sweater, the clockstopping cuteness touched by her hair. The illusions
of love are providing all the light today, not the trompe l'oeil
kind but more the thoughts generated by the images that
solidify that the material world is trumped by our immaterial
senses. January 23, 2006 Happiness
discloses itself to a writer as the end and
purpose of life, and art and love are the only
means to a writer's happiness.
~~Ambrose Bierce
There's an underlying foundation from spending
days and nights with someone who never
suffered a drop of disrespect from you and
who wants to continue performing on this
foundation forever. It makes the focus
everyday on things that nurture us instead of
things that create even the slightest
separation. Thinking about reuniting with a
past flame produced the same response - she
had some curiousity if selected ones
survived OK and I pictured seeing the source
of a long time crush and it paralleled the
excitement of watching the video of a played
football game. Yesterday is desaturated only
because today is so vibrant. The illusions of
love are vivid and multi-layered, easy on the
eyes and more tangible than lost in space
hypotheticals. She keeps my lover shirt
freshly laundered for cool January
hoeds. January 22, 2006
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people
who have a genuine medical need for coffee
to wait in line behind people who apparently
view it as some kind of recreational activity.
~~Dave Barry
He's 96 today- the age I expect to reach with
both feet ON the ground. His balance gave
me character to offset the adulation, early
humility to forray through impairment and
belief in belief that led me to her. Roe v. Wade
was decided on his birthday - wonder if
others with a similar destiny as mine never
got the chance to taste it? Lord Byron, whose
birthday noogies were given on this same
date, said adversity is the first path to truth,
the path father divined for me. I never reached
full reckoning with you, Dad, but I know you
know how much of my absorption of love
was channelled from you. I toast you, the
man I thought I could never be until I discovered I never could have found it if you
were not who you are. Cheers! Bravo ! and P. S. - we should have made them buy a ticket... January 20, 2006 I have told you that, no matter how many times you have refused to enter the sanctuary, you have only to knock and the door will be opened to you. I have said to you "Ask and it shall be given you," but you refuse to believe in me. You think that someone is counting your sins, your moments of indecision or recalcitrance, but it is not true. You are the only one counting. I say to you brother, "stop counting, stop making excuses, stop pretending that the door is locked. I am here at the threshold. Reach out and take my hand and we will open the door and walk through together." I am the door to love without conditions. When you walk through, you too will be the door.
~~Paul Ferrini
Soulmates
need a free spirit. That suggests optimizing
situational liberties, not necessarily lacking in
moral content while accepting
survival-related adjustments in life style. To
reach the goal of living forever, I need to keep
survival safeguards right along side good
health habits as defaults (where I go ever
waking day). But the unconstrained spiritual
side goes to wonderful places, all conducive
to loving her. Yesterday's piss trip and todays
focus on heat are typical places replete with
discovery. Sweating in the coolness of
January requires physical exertion = workout
= endorphin buzz a la poke....washing out the toxins. So yesterday's
remarks to the sib about awaiting the HOT
just may be based on that buzz and not just
the underwater excursions and chaise
parking. But today is privy to its version of
that buzz and I'm taking every drop of it. If we
look at scenes in a movie as life, do we want
to break it into doable size takes (YES) then
do each take many times until it's no longer
getting any better (??) or do each take several
times, but all different, then stop at some
point and select the best (MAYBE)? The reality
is that the nation building drill going on over
there is just a drill for the inevitable
rebuilding here (we don't care if the pipelines
and roads actually get completed, we just
want to practice for doing it here to see how
many armed security guys are needed & how
many are too few/many, etc.). Today's
stimulation to my frontal lobe is straight
ahead. Maybe its true that you have to put
the left brain asleep first. Mine's snoring.
Conversational update on why doctors
should be in my self-fix is our topic, no
power-points necessary, just infuse it with romance. January 19, 2006
You should
examine yourself daily. If you find faults, you
should correct them. When you find none,
you should try even harder."
~~Israel Zangwill
Rinse the piss off your hands. I discovered most guys who
devolved into letting a trickle of water touch
the 3 fingers you held your nozzle with when
you drain the snake, then call that "washed
hands" to satisfy some voice of correctness.
Fast forward to the point in life when you've
gone years without a cold or flu, where you
actually wash your hands with soap and water
frequently, including post-urinal events, and
Rinse Off Your Piss advances to a metaphor
for Don't Sweat The Small Stuff , Stay
Engaged and ______________(add favorite
here). Part of comebacks are the conscious
checklists that you've mainstreamed that
need a good walk-thru to vitalize the
comeback. Since the goal is to live forever,
the health component needs constant
refreshing. Today's word is pleonastic,
meaning using excessive amounts of words,
something I reflect on with caution. This style
is just for me, it is pleonastic, unintentionally
obsfucated but so-o in need of diffusing to
appeal to the casual reader. Since there are
none, I use the style to satisfy the
tho'ts-into-words pleasure while still
resgistering these tho'ts for help with future
c'monbacks. I get triangulation with the
quote and the art clustered with the same
vision that brought me here. It's the pulp of
pondering, for things you want to do but
can't find the time and then you make the
time just to really think about them. We are
empowered with so many tools that the
challenge is to be able to use them
productively exactly where we are engaged.
January 18,
2006 Tension
is the great integrity.
(On his belief that “tensegrity” gives
coherence to the structure of the universe.)
~~Richard Buckminster Fuller
Need a little comeback this morning. Some of
the imposed urgency to get back to the gym
maybe was an admission that the recent
slippage towards inactive couldn't be
tolerated. The post-sweat buzz is when the
receptors are picking up tips from the
collective soul and they A L W A Y S lead
where the giving is good. Hard not to hear
the cries from the persecuted off in the distance during solitude
but the guidance she's seeking comes in
High Definition and maybe that's the biggest
contributor towards adopting the comeback
motif. The contribution has to be in
proportion, in kind and within the range of
excellence when the cause is love. It rates
right there with politics, and beliefs on the
list of things to never tell anybody whom you
care about that theirs is wrong. Like the
collective soul, there must be a universal love
to which every person identifies but the love
we lovers enjoy has our own blend of
physical and spritual, with added emphasis
on self-repair and joint giving. Maybe it's the
blend for these two lovers but too much or
not enough for others. If that's not thrust into
group conversation, it matters not. What
does matter is letting her fix while I take care
of the essentials. I'm coming back - olive oil is
intriguing, productive workout, thinking
about shampooing less in the ear project.
January 16,
2006 In lazy
apathy let stoics boast
Their virtue fix’d: ’t is fix’d as in a frost;
Contracted all, retiring to the breast;
But strength of mind is exercise, not rest.
~~Alexander Pope
Dizziness is just a result of sex when you let
go of any restraints. Looseness,
uber-orgasms, 'dorphed for days kind of
JBF'd - we're talkin' prime. Loving just her is where I evolved, this
place where we found triumph together with so much
help. It seemed like it was all on us when we
took the steps that led here, but we found
out right away that we were getting help
from the best force we know. I discovered very soon after birth that intimacy with
ladies, big and small, led to levels
way beyond proficient at inducing ecstasy. Loving ecstacy.
Maybe it was my birthright to leave a legacy
as a card-carrying lover as rated by a dozen or
so co-explorers. What means even more is
learning from all those virtuosic episodes to
focus the infinite remaining emphatic ecstasy
exchanges exclusively with her. The things
we do during these trips are important but
they've been covered previously and the only
thing that matters is to be able to let go of
the restraints and let the endorphins flow at a
dizzying level. I cherish my dizziness and
transfuse that within her in her first choice of
manners.
My largess comes from knowing she really
doesn't realize how much more of a virtuoso
she is than I. January 16, 2006
We can make
inspired guesses, but we don’t know for
certain what physical and chemical
properties of the planet’s crust, its ocean and
its atmosphere made it so conducive to such
a sudden appearance of life. We are not
certain about the amount and forms of
energy that permeated the environment in
the planet’s early days. Thus the problem that
scientists face is how to explain the
suddenness in which life appeared on this
young (4.6 billion year old) planet earth. In
the nineteenth century, scientists first began
to accept the concept of biological evolution
and to dismiss the possibility that life had
been created in its present complexity by
some supernatural agency. That raised the
question of how this extraordinary
phenomenon called life could possibly have
come to be by accident.
~~Isaac Asimov
Using yesterday to help prepare for
tomorrow makes that one of those
automatics - the things that happen without
pre-scripting the entire event. Like knowing
that women looked the same from the Renaissance until
now, so even with surgical sculpting, the look
is still the same (no 3 breasts yet or dual
packages). I heard about women's insatiable
fixation on what they see as body flaws
pointed out by some guy. It doesn't matter if
that's usually true or not when you're
not the pointer-outor. And as a bonus, it's
moot if she's not a pointer-outer either. It still
turns out that soul-generated messages
about how turned on she is still defines the
power in the pokes. That leads to both of us
'dorphed and JBF'd at the same time - the
MMVI equivalent of the 2:30. It never gets into
the automatic catagory, so each is better than
all in the archives because it's right now and
it's still worthy of revisiting because the
feeling's still there. It lasts an indefinite time
period and for me, so far, the next one is
already in progress before the feeling wears
off on today's. She's looking for progress and
JBF stares, too, of appreciation and disbelief.
The guy in Memphis in the '60s holding the I Am A Man sign
should see how that declarative is now
depicted by my expression right this
moment. January 15, 2006 God
thus rewards the violence which your soul
has been doing to itself; and gives to it such a
domination over the senses that a sign is
enough when it desires to recollect itself, for
them to obey and so gather themselves
together. At the first call of the will, they
come back more and more quickly. At last,
after countless exercises of this kind, God
disposes them to a state of utter rest and of
perfect contemplation.
~~Teresa of Avila Stardust is back from
somewhere before Big Bang and my
limitations thwart attempts to actually
discern a place which has no beginning.
These same limitations keep me toggling
back and forth to my former life and another
limitation of mine keeps any revelations from
comparing then and now limited to now is so
much better than then. Our roof caps our
home, the place where all the best things
about now happen, and my focus is on her all
the time. Maybe that is the simple revelation
that all those declarations about the wonder
of love really are the truth. Gotta have it,
gotta keep it on top. January 14, 2006 You are today where your
thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where
your thoughts take you.
~~James Allen Fortuna, the goddess of luck, hooked
up with Tyche, the goddess of chance, then fell from grace.
Now I am ruler of the army and she is the daughter of joy so
we share a soul and a life that surpasses joy, lead by good
fortune. Said Dorothy Parker:
And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I
learned; The calmer, I, to see it true That ways of love are
never new- The love that sets you daft and dazed Is every love
that ever blazed; The happier, I, to fathom this: A kiss is every
other kiss. Said I:
Her kiss is never like before, Our ways of love are new, Even
happier, We, supplant our truth: Me is really you. January 13, 2006 America is
a young country with an old mentality.
~~George Santayana
About the same time as we begin to learn
about belief in the invisible, something in
between our relationships with our family
and friends gives roots to what we become.
Early sexual awakening only provides a piece
of the essentials required later in life, but if
you are destined to become perfectly mated.
it's a highly esteemed component. I craved
one-on-one interaction with my best friends
even while constantly in group games with
the other friends. Playing doctors with girls
never crossed that line with friends which
probably kept my lovers from ever becoming
best friends........ until now. Self committed
monogamy with her keeps the intimacy
fresh, focused and fulfilling but now my best,
most cherished friend ever is also my lover
and that makes moot the wonderment of
what if I had discovered this earlier in life. It
plays out as exhausting the desire to do the
group things that accented the first fifty
years, replaced with immaculate cohesion to
her, my co-tenant in the soul. Every weekend
is anticipated like those teenage
out-on-the-town times. Exuberance, man - with no distractions.
January 12,
2006 Better to write for
yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and
have no self.
~~Cyril Connolly
The sweetness from where our lips reunite eminates from
these words. Like coming from darkness into the brightness
of the fluorescent night light, the resumption of pleasure in
baseline things, like our kisses, comfort us. You've seen my
dings and they are OK and I've seen your perfection where
my attention is transfixed and I swoon. Mother Sleep has
healed again and visions of weekend hijinx would give me
the crusties if not for the intelligence of the designer, who
gave it to me right where it now beckons you. The sweetness
of the kiss is stamped with our trademark with all the delight
it brings. Gotta keep the talk flavored with that same
sweetness regardless of realities. Space is a premium but our
enhancements to it let us keep track of clutter, disposing of it
whenever possible, so we heighten the laughter.
D-I-V-O-R-C-E load it in your ass. January 12. 2006 The
major value in life is not what you get. The
major value in life is what you become.
~~Jim Rohn
Getting touched by hands of her goddess
being, touched where there's no distance
from there to soul being, nutures these
words to match that feeling. The tenderness
and mellow from heart&mindfucks from the muse, blend
with soul melifluously. The haunted
memories only take up hamper space in the
mansion of love where working as one and
working as a team are blind-stitched at the
soul. Honeymoon at Retirement where
Medium Cool and Big Chill are suffering
somewhere outside the gates. Let me
entertain you. January 10, 2006 I
can't be everything to everyone. Send me
your specs.
~~Mo Rocca
The road on which I get two
different, sometimes opposing positions on
something has taken its time getting me to
here. When you're loopy or out of the loop
just getting thoughts together questions
present level of sanity. Better sleep thru
chemistry or lack of same has me one level
below Earl's brother on the 'how bright is
your bulbs?' scale. But we're ere , our pants are full of
romance and there' ll be a day ahead when
that maybe cannot be said. Today is as much
a gift as anyone can ask for, so our love is here
to stay. They're wagging the dog as much as
ever - 3 more years. Shit must happen,
tho' January 9,
2006 Life
is short. Time is fleeting. Realize the Self.
Purity of the heart is the gateway to God.
Aspire. Renounce. Meditate. Be good; do
good. Be kind; be compassionate. Inquire,
know Thyself.
~~Sivananda
Safety first signals a priority on staying within
your own game as opposed to going for the
gold. Tried and true vs. going out on the
gangplank. As if you only can choose one or
the other = linear logic, no bricolage and one
premise shy of a syllogism. Part of the
discovery here is in the fine tuning catagory,
life revisions extending the durations of time
in the zone. Putting certainty into the 'doing
it right' at this point favors taking low risk
chances (fix what you can, write a check
where you once maybe could but ladders are
risky). Time makes these fixes tempting but
we're both aligned in the 'get it fixed'
philosophy rather than give in to temptation.
I want to be doing this for decades. January 6, 2006
If you can look back on your life with contentment, you have one of man's most precious gifts -- a selective memory.
~~Jim Fiebig
Get it right. Why is legacy so important to
achievers? Is it reliousity in motion - do
something good on Earth before you die? Or
is it just a home pregnancy test moment
where you keep asking, "what have I done?
What have I Done?" There is no balance sheet
required to hand in on the day of reckoning,
one that shows that your life had meaning.
You simply find that person who shares the
collective soul, bring your lives together and the meaning of your life is
answered every second. The prescriptions in
life are a balance of those given to you by
someone who knows you and knows the
drug prescribed in balance with your belief in
the soul messages that tell you convincingly
that you can deal with the condition naturally
by doing what the soul prescribes. It's not a
dichotomy - it's a harmony, a convergence
allowed by team chemistry and sometimes
requires medicine, hopefully the right
medicine prescribed by someone who knows
you and knows the drug. But most of the
time staying in sync with the collective soul
takes care of everything. Physician heal
thyself. Since commerce clutters the
receptors, I provide the belief to infuse and
that insists that I don't just get it, but I get it
right. Pondering creates, baby and what we
get out of it hinges on how well I do it. It
doesn't always resonate with you if there's no
jet on your back or reading this is dyslexic
salad. Message to me: Do It Well
January 5,
2006
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend
on others.
~~Buddha
Everybody gets it. In some way, based on
how they're wired and what works for them.
Not everyone is looking for answers to the
Big Question, or make that actively looking.
Even the stone age guy figures out how to
shelter from the storm. But getting your
answer to the Big Question is really
understanding where it's really at in life.
When you find it, thanks to God, you can
make a list of the Level 2 matters like health,
air, debt avoidance, where to put the fingers
and on and on. But finding your answer to
the Big Q must be accomplished before you
have enough stability to tackle the L2s. Living
in love with her even when we're taking care
of some L2 open issues is our gift from God.
What have I sacrificed today? Nothing. Don't
have to in order to stay in touch with God - the love does
that, too. She walks with me and she talks
with me.... January 4, 2006
Great talents are the most lovely and often
the most dangerous fruits on the tree of
humanity. They hang upon the most slender
twigs that are easily snapped off.
~~Carl Gustav Jung
Candy Barr got digested today. 70. 'Bating in
Bob's rec room using my Dad's projector - the
shame! One of those memories that are
erase-worthy but continue to stick around
because we're not giving in to blank spaces
until there's no ability to forestall it anymore.
I wonder if the 90s will be able to playback in
full 10 or twenty years from now - they sure
were spectacular. And now that we're closing
in on 2010, the first Y2K years were far and
away the best opening to a century since
Wilbor & Orville swung the door open in '02,
nineteen that is. Maybe my friends the jets
can get some kick in my heels today - gotta
stop getting up before 3. I'm rejuvinating,
baby January
3, 2006
As I walk'd by myself, I talk'd to myself, And
myself replied to me; And the questions
myself then put to myself, With their answers
I give to thee.
~~Bernard Barton
If dealing with the top of your game =
knowing the current indicator is results, the
results should become the gold that you're
going for. Instead, it's that nuance just like
the conductor's decisions that produce a
different, new sound to you. It was
impossible for me to get there until my
freefall landed in her arms. They are results of
sorts but not among the certain crowd's Best
Of list. Now the new indicator is uncertainty.
Moving in the direction guided by certainty
seems to improve the visualization of quality
(and original for you) results as long as the freefall is allowed
to continue until the thoughts are laid out.
Now visualization is the new indicator, as
depicted above. The conductor gestures or
speaks and symphony sounds vo·lup·tu·ous,
then the hug that made the room spin
sensuously, then now, where these words are
coming from. Her selfless giving to me is that
very place. Imagine being in life-reaffirming love with your muse; Imagine. January 2, 2005 The
obvious is that which is never seen until
someone expresses it simply.
~~Kahlil Gibran
Maybe the metaphor to orgasms is too last
century but the popping and feast for the
eyes equates, at least, remotely to the delights. So
watching them the next morning via video
streaming makes it even better. Home by 8,
10 hours sleep and a lasting absorption of the
fix furnished by the family promises another
year of life in harmonic convergence.
Tomorrow may be a better day to see into these
meanings. December 31, 2005 A
man content to go to heaven alone will never
go to heaven.
~~Boethius
The game of love, the purpose of a man is to
love a woman, , the game of love. The game is
when you have your first encounter (ususally
referred to as "your first love") and the path
that takes conditions you for subsequent
encounters. The madness, euphoria,
eroticism, heartbreak, cruelty, sacrifice, guilt,
__________add here, all teach the rules and
tricks of THAT game. When you finally look
into her eyes and get some of the sensations
but this time something more spiritual than
emotional, then maybe, just maybe love no
longer is a game to you and it becomes the
life force all those romantics and
philosophers have been trying to describe
since the stone age. There is no fantasy that
comes close to the certainties that describe
all of the superlatives associated with living
life truly, truly in love. This was another
splendid year, solidifying all future
expectations regardless of surprises. It ain't
no game and it survives eternity. And I love
her. December 30, 2005
Fifty
percent of people won't vote, and fifty
percent don't read newspapers. I hope it's
the same fifty percent.
~~Gore Vidal
Part of the awakening is flipping through the
things which used to have meaning and are
now considered aberrances. Like drinking
beer on Saturday afternoons, watching
football all weekend, _____________add
favorite from the list. Of course, the solitude
now would be an aberrance back then so it is
a series of trading aberrances. But that just
proves that aberrances are selected
perception AND fully manageable. The bad
shit (adultery, hallucinations, etc) are not
aberrances - they're pathological and need
attention. And while we're looking for things
that are needed, I need to find where the
strength comes from; knowledge that you
cannot care about a responsibilty if you can
distance yourself from it during it's most
critical, important time, buckling up and
flying right, ____________add your choice(s)
here. Ultimately it's getting the clarity to
know when I'm getting really good health
protection after stopping the Welcome to my
Phobia characterization. December 29, 2005 The
type that makes me laugh and cry and
scream and double over and dance and walk
and spit and live and die and give birth and
think and stop and go and read and go
comatose.
~~Lori Ann Felker
Never let me go is an anthem for the obvious
but its meaning always expresses the
permanence that we have. And the
never-say-never crowd can
learn something from watching this never.
We are permanent by choice, by desire and
by graduation from former traps. It's easy
when both want to be in the same place -
H E R E. There is no such thing as
manager's disease but she knows that
clearing out the clutter is part of regaining
equilibrium and that's because of reality. My
brief public today was free of contact into any
aura associated with disorder, or simply
1) in 2) done 3) home. Here's where all the soul stuff
lies, the better to envision you with, my
darling. December 28, 2005 This is
a feminist bookstore. There is no humor
section.
~~John Callahan
Doubling back from the melt-down, the box
on the front seat goes back to Sammie and I
flourish under the tutelage of her western
bacon cheeseburger. The more she gets to
try out her funny stuff in uniform, the farther
away the balls get from the wall. There's no
shame in being in a time warp with her when
too much time and not enough time
converge. We both want that same feeling so
we both get that same feeling in motion and
then we lose it over something like getting
the reindeer names and forgetting Olive the
other reindeer.
\\fade-out the voice over the speaker at Carl's
Jr. December
27, 2005 Design is the method of putting form and content together
~~Paul Rand
Intrigued by the hypothesis (as opposed to hyperthesis..) that Breaking The Waves suggested:
to understand love, you can't be delusional about the relevance of sex. Orthodox restrictions represent warnings that relaxed attitudes about sex have severe penalties. But relaxed attitudes confined to love are rewards that strengthen the love that feeds on it. The dangers that the orthos are trying to warn us about is for the stage where you feel sex=love, even when the sex is with someone you'd de-match with, for then the consequences can be harsh. But when pure love reigns, the sex warnings are better directed to those who haven't become believers yet. The non-sex moments this weekend were so numerous ranked at the highest level. Her breathlessness nimbly infused me like the balsamic in the carrot glaze. They are the moments I feel entirely certain that she does know how much I love her and how gratefully I savor her love for me and for us. The heightened anticipation of another date with her knowing the expectation is in the league with delusional, affirms the lucid counterpoint love gives to any is-love-crazy-good? moments. I understated the outcome - it dwarfed the Rio by its immediacy merged with near delusional ecstasies. I'm still full of those recurring moments and wonder if Jan's success in having his death wish overridden is a message that it can be the future without the devastation? She rings the bells here on Earth already. December 26, 2005 Most creative work is a process of people passing ideas and inspirations from the past into the future and adding their own creativity along the way.
~Joichi Ito
In the midst of perfection is a voice seducing me to perpetuate these feelings. Saying these words here creates love notes bound with a ribbon and kept in a shoebox for posterity. The love is overpowering all other sensibilities, clearing the field for perfection to thrive, dust and all. What other way could bring this beautiful year of two thousand and five. To be loved this perfectly at this time is God's greatest gift. December24, 2005 Ah, summer, what
power you have to make us suffer and like it.
~~Russell Baker
It's a happier place when you don't have to endure
trying to convince her that seeing is believing is
secondary to believing is seeing. Things are so
much more apparent while converging your belief
system with what you can see. It gives a
multi-dimensional picture of events and expands to a
range of fixes. Today is better because pain is lessened
even though there's a technology melt-down going on
at the same time. This time of the year finds a slew of
non-emotional people acting emotionally because of
the season. Operating on the same level all the time
helps avoid these distracted people, almost entirely for
me and a balanced quantity for her. These next three
days will transcend Rio days and nites. Merry Christmas,
baby December 22, 2005
If you
want to make God laugh, tell him about your
plans.
~~Woody Allen
Ever wonder what the preparations that
preceeded Preparation H were trying to cure?
Was Preparation A going for hemorrhoids? I
don't think so. Probably cancer or aids but
by the time they got to H, they noticed the
shrinkage in that extra tissue, and
voila! War on 'Rhoids. That says
something for the art of preparation. I spent
too much valuable time (that's what I called
time back then...) taking on preparing for
things that covered up. Time now is
nurturing events that mean everything. Time
appreciating admiration from others, time
with family, time for delivering All Zone All
the Time - at the top of the list. When we're
both totally engaged in doing what the Zone
enhances, the result is breathless love
(actually love when the breathing gets
heavy). Laughter can be epidemic but mostly just
the relaxation needed to ward off any
fight-or-flight response. Passion is always
present when loving her even when
delivered with manageable loss of breath. Oh
what sensation when the candle light seems
to take forever to the point of
extinguishment, but never quite goes out.
The passion for that duration is exciting and
cathartic, here's your kama.. December 21, 2005 I have to
admit I was completely smitten when the guy
who delivers my bottled water said, You have
the face of an angel and the body of a
goddess.
~~Karen McDougal
Catching the observations she throws my
way, I take what's good about them, the
parts about the impression I present to the
person who knows me today better than
anyone. It's easy to marginalize any as just
style preferences but among
them are very revealing observations she
makes about me. I hate it when I resort to
exaggerated catches, like she just
threw a real hard ball to make her response
after I return the throw, "thanks for getting
my message". I get her messages sealed with
a hug best. We both want the same thing -
today love. Youthful vision minus the
petulance and inanity, as played by our
seasoned soul. Infusing the actualization in
her, using love directly shipped in attractive
packaging.
The situation is busy in both directions as
expressed in conversation. December 20, 2005 If truth is
beauty, how come no one has their hair done
in the library?
~~Lily Tomlin
Running like Chester, the intrusion of
mountains on the sky caught my prayer to
please let it be something other than a
mini-stroke. Self-analysis is good, to a point
(there's that point again). The point can be
distanced a little at a time to find the blend
between mental and physical source of
what's going on. Here's where you hope
auto-infuse is accurate on the cerebellum
aspect otherwise the convergence is at the
mercy of the hand matching the brain for
manual pouring. Running like Chester but
doctoring like Marcus Welby. December 19, 2005 Compassion
is the antitoxin of the soul: where there is
compassion even the most poisonous
impulses remain relatively harmless.
~~Eric Hoffer
The toxic shock of failing in dreams might be
from the fear of getting too good at doing
today. The solitude is pressure free but full of
longing as in today. Time with her is
everything. Being here doing this is the call
de jour. She is the call of night. So where's the
fear? I don't feel it but it might be inside. Part
of the call is safe and secure, which is right up
there with fun-filled in must attributes for
daily living. It's anxiety in sleep and
angst-free day dreams to look through to get
the convergence. December 15, 2005 In 1951
After klatu baratta nicto
I was flagrante delicto
Then she was born
I was seven
~~ Will Harper
The hardest part of capturing the story is
when does it begin? At the beginning. By
staying in this life, it slights some from the
former but it keeps the scope within the
window of accurate recall. You can't thrive on
yesterdays loves and ample slices from
today's infusion keeps the moments of glory
plentiful when she deSUVS and gets back to
where the toes meet the arch. A money guy's
equivalent is frolicking naked on columns of
large figures representing net worth (no
comparison is my guess). Pleasure is a
convergence best apportioned in bountiful
terms. Her representation makes the
interlude filled out in tactile routines
featuring prominence of those hands. The
numbers fall short of that, alms lender.
December 15,
2005 God
is a verb, not a noun.
~~R. Buckminster Fuller
Fast lane fallout finds relief in the off ramp.
When the make money, get stuff period runs
its course, so does any compulsion to keep
searching for a better place. Fate can get you
in the best place if you say where you are is
the last place. That's something you say
when your doubt is zero and your awareness
is in the ionosphere about being chosen.
Doing this makes more excitement than
everything that preceded it because now is
everything. December 14, 2005 What's meant
to be will always find a way.
~~Trisha Yearwood
Telling the story of overtaking the curse and
winning the jackpot makes all other stories
just another beer fart. The realization of the
trauma others persevere has to sooner or
later ask why you are so lucky, why when you
thought your fate was to have been passed
over, it turns out to win, succeed, acclaim,
and best of all - face your destiny and realize
she wants you as much as you want her. The
rest of life is with her, to experience all in
harmony with someone who counts on you
and can be counted on to have the same aim
on the day. The gratitude is pacific and terrific
and unrelated to guilt having a meant-to-be
directive while pleasuring the soul. The team
of two does festive like only they can do -
inside the gates. December 13, 2005 A face is like the outside of a house, and most faces, like most houses, give us an idea of what we can expect to find inside.
~~Loretta Young
Everytime we fewk up, it is a form of incompetence (range of motion limitation=cause of fewk up). That means just the task showed incompetence, not the entire range of motion capability. This makes it easier to really find fixes that fit the task AND are harmonious with the soul. These are fixes to get back to competency in the matters that you'd die for (just her):
1 - operate as the team of two
2- no surprise fixes - share everything
3- remember that the goal is to live forever
4- always keep these four fixes in top working order, baby.
It's not the craziness outside the gates that matter, it's keeping it right where it is this second. We talked and the moment confirmed forever. Tuesday the 13th. Diligence is
the mother of good luck.
~~Benjamin Franklin
Avoidance infused with dilligence is the
number one answer to "how do you take
what the day gives?". By itself, avoidance of
things like debt, inane pop culture, spectator
sports, just to name a few, only covers the
NOT to-dos. The determination to follow the
beauty adds the necessary MUSTS to guide
the heading offered by the day. There is a
certain solitary aspect which suggests
ascetics and the unabomber may be role
models here but the opposite is true.
Skimming above the crap is a prerequisite for
understanding the signs flowering the
daylight. Diverting from the traps is a big
piece of avoidance and the single purpose of
living forever with her is our perpetual
motion cell. Let's never change a single note.
December 9,
2005 Both
young children and old people have a lot of
time on their hands. That's probably why they
get along so well.
~~Jonathan Carroll
Keeping the serenity level high with no
affectations. The imput is purified somewhat
by the mutual acceptance of compatibility, no
dog dirt admitted. Variation on the look
towards the beauty instruction but with
emphasis on laughter. Making the deal to
stick around forever has an inner quality
about variegated texture that is titanium
strong, kevlar protective and fully bypassing
On Passing for as long as
we've got. December 7, 2005 Health is the
greatest gift, contentment the greatest
wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
~~Buddha
The caption for In the Moments is Action is
Engagement - it you're not out on the
dancefloor, life's passing you by. But that
overlooks the power of the Stand By - a fully
engaged receptor. More is not always better,
just when it's more time together with her,
then it's always irrelevant as to action.
Inaction is sometimes required to see the
beats between the notes and hear the colors.
What were they doing there? We were here
doing life on the set of Life with Shirley. It
feels better than I Wish I May and there is no
finer canvas to adorn. The fresco of
imagination meets Little Miss
Manners. December 6, 2005
I tend to think of these things as a continuum
with clusters of characteristics which
correspond to various typical forms.
~~Celia Green
Even though only today counts exclusively,
today follows this series of captured thoughts
and has no obvious clutter to be put out to
dry. That comes from avoiding the
"what-have-you-done-for-me-in-the-last-5-mi
nutes" implosion, by assigning a
partial/complete positive on everything that
preceeded it. The heart of it is the catapult of
all events of the past 10 years and the
featured connection of souls these past 10
days. Stellar effusions of the best there is
when it comes to people qualities, all right in
the center of your life. All thanks to the
perspective that calm comes from all things
in the cosmos especially those responsible for
full time favorable conditions. The strength
from the favorables comes from her celestial
healing gift as the front line defense against
toxicity. The beaten up feeling is fading, a
little at a time, relaced with aural-astroglow
or, in other words, the smile of
contentment. December 5, 2005
Advertising is an environmental striptease for a world of
abundance.
~~Marshall McLuhan
Mastige just knocked metrosexual off the top, describing
bling (or other prestige crap) for the masses. Like Biagi beads
or Movado watches, things that bring a smile to the inclined
are touted heavily. But the best things in life are not things,
says I, so all the Christmas packaged enticements miss their
mark here. Sounds cold but it just affirms the way love
eliminates the craving for toys and other mastige luxuries.
We're on a one way ride to forever and the backrest feels just
fine. December 4, 2005 O
body swayed to music, o brightening glance,
how can we know the dancer from the
dance?~~William Butler Yeats
When there's perfect loving pitch in both
ears, it's easy to saddle up to today's promise.
Where the deeds outshine the words is the
place we settle into not far from the shadows.
Who divined this unwrapped frattoir to
syncopate our rhythms? Why, the same force
that brings our world all the selections from
the cosmic entrees to absorb into the ritual.
Gathering paths of persuasion used to be
futile and now makes the answer to What?
perpetual. December 3, 2005
Despite crime's omnipresence, things work in
society, because biology compels it. Order
eventually restores itself, by psychic
equilibrium.
~~Camille Paglia
I get glances of fingers on necks
Unclutched and soothing where the veinal
logjams stretch
Intensified in just the right places
She turns and says I'm yours
Right when I'm about to roll over
Starlight glows all the time
Nuclear neon signs read out words that
comfort
Travel in the calm channel is restorative
Harmony in the key of upbeat
Attenuates then surges
Fingertips that do necks also do pillars
Draped around you with toes on your arches
Holding your curves free falling
Roll that dream sequence
Jitterbug on the clouds
In my arms forever
December 1,
2005 A gentleman is any man who
wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.
~~Fred Allen
Paradise has no waiting line. The time is sweetened by the
reward of keeping the ones who you love near you even
when there are mountains between you and them. Who ever
came up with long distance love not working didn't mean to
apply that to family love. Keeping the nearness by finessing your
best glaze during the year make the moments when you are
next to each other reverberate. You have to give up things to
get the things you want, so knowing what you really want
lets you give up things that can be emulated, like miles of
distance, while you bask in paradise. The friends who laugh
with you over coffee let you share their hearts with you if
you let them. That helps blur the line that distinguishes them
from family. The love within you eventually seeps out no
matter what, so bathe in it. Raise a toast to the exuberance
of doing all the best things together to share. Sip tea and
feature it in conversation. So why did I get that horrible call-in to work Dream ( N I G H T M A R E ) to report being off duty ?? End of November 2005
The home should be the treasure chest of living.
~~Le Corbusier
Hallelujah, healed miraculously. Must have been a wake-up
call for changing the workout routine, or maybe I just
embellished the pain too much. Hold the phone - it came
back last night, something's fewked up in the lumbar region,
damn. No matter, we'll roll through the week and if it still
flairs up, I'll get zapped and rubbed 'til it's fixed. Beautiful
interludes with her already and stars on the ceiling this
morning. This may be the last slice for a while (or maybe one
more ...) November 24,
2005
Can heavenly breasts such stormy passions feel?
~~Virgil
It's a thankless throng out there rounding up essentials for Thursday.
Some emotions flowed in anticipating Daddy's Little Girl, so I
laid it out as Finding rooms for those emotions enriches the
time remaining - a veiled offer to send it here. If horse/chris
came from day of nausea and woozies, today must be
found-where-pain-is-tolerable, Cloris. Bent the effen frame
real good. Range of motion reduced by 15 - 20 %. Fixed hip
position on the floor with left leg resting on sofa forces me to
stay here on the floor, clicking the effen keyboard except when grazing. So I just hobbled around to get
stomach filled enough to do 2 more ibu's. I should just post
this but there's more. Getting REAL GOOD at operating at the
superior level entertaining myself falls second to the number one reason for it - it
never comes close to level obtained when it's just the two of
us encased in the zone. Maybe I know better than getting so
good with engaging the invisible that being a kook becomes
"nice guy but that mental impairment...." like where you're
delusional talking to people who aren't there. Mine aren't
verbal conversations but just noticeable one way thoughts
from me and a feeling in return. We'll be all zone for the next
week now that I found sometime for her to do until Sunday -
nurse me back to mobility. I may have inadvertently picked
just the right time to get dinged. November 22, 2005
You will
become as small as your controlling desire; as
great as your dominant aspiration.
~~James Allen
This place is the Rosemary's of hope. What do
you need hope for when you're luxuriating in
paradise? Hope is like faith, you start with
God and discover you need faith to believe
and understand all things invisible. And after
you've received more than you've ever hoped
for, you need hope to keep dreams from
becoming irrelevant. Neither are expressed as
the desperation of the past and neither can
be dismissed as just signs of ignorance. So
where does that leave charity from the
Kingdom Trio? It has to be globally accepted
to make change possible, sandwiches for
hobos were done for goodness sake. There
are guys like me who hooked in with the
needy because religion preaching charity has
made it a full time job for us. What do you do?
Oh, I prey, I mean P-R-aY. Take care of your
own. Think I'll do some hoping today.
November 21,
2005 He does it with better grace, but
I do it more natural.
~~William Shakespeare
The more you have to conserve, the more conservative you
get. That was spoken as a money thing but it's so right for
protecting against harm or loss of zone time with her. But
being liberal, as in serving oversized portions of edibles
because they're made with love, reassures that even these
intangibles are relative regarding labels (vs. absolute).
Somewhere in all these ideas is a version of my legacy,
dedicated to her, targeted to love practitioners everywhere.
I'm OK with lists but tread softly when it comes to commands,
preferring to describe my revelations as they continue
self-translating. That one aspect assures me of my need to
continue this solidification
of my recall when referencing this with showing her why it is
influencing us. Those are the two indicators: self-reinforcing
and zone perpetuating. November 19, 2005
All you hear Catholics turning out these days are pop versions
of the old Protestant anthems.
~~Richard Morris
Take to the sidewalk, stretch legs, eat finer at the diner and
walk home with bread. Probably not the standard forerunner
for festivus but much bigger than these flaccid words free up.
Too many sweatless days make long walks essential and too
few rotations make the distance seem more than actual.
November 18, 2005 I see slip
to the curb the long machines, Out of whose
warm and windowed rooms pirouette,
Shellacked with silk and light, The hard legs
of our women.
~~Karl Shapiro
The taste of cinnamon ice cream prevails after
leaving the $424k model home that makes us
want to kiss the welcome mat here. Coffee by
the jets this morning guaranteed success
would follow and it has. The path eventually
ends up here and together we find the gift of
the day before the moonbeams add the
closing credits. Excitement sometimes is
cinnamon flavored. November 17, 2005 Editing Hemingway was
like wrestling with a god.
~~Tom Jenks
Corporate project warriors learn survival skills and being on a
team where the leader is abhored teaches being a pleaser is
the best match for a despot. Not just with the top but with
everyone who can make their hatred of the boss a huge
anchor for you. Reasonably good people won't praise you a
drop if they think there is a even a chance the hatchet you
work for may benefit from it. Even a remote chance. Plus the
slurs aimed at you behind doors demand a great strategy for
keeping your head high right 'til the finish. No showdown.
Arbitration? Everyday routine of pre-kickoff reassurance: Pace.
Secure. Acceptance. Adaptation. Endure. November 16, 2005 Wine is the
drink of the gods, milk the drink of babes, tea
the drink of women, and water the drink of
beasts.
~~John Stuart Blackie
Another back on the horse, Chris morning.
The magic of tea and full contact nurturing
enabled expulsion of the toxins and just the
remnants of wobblies remain. Today's theme
of baby steps is defined by the Wal-Mart
America sweat shirt and slightly droopy eyelids.
Last night's sleep was the Katrina of wet T's so
full restoration is only hours away. The
too-good-to-be-true from yesterday is
whispering in my ear and I am certain that I
can't convey to her how magnificent she is. I'll
look back here and recount the intensity
which is unique to today, and wonder why I
just didn't do whatever it is that shows it is
true. Maybe small personal gifts would say it
in a different way. Down time is shit, Viva
Recovery. A
mistress never is nor can be a friend. While
you agree, you are lovers; and when it is over,
anything but friends.
~~Lord Byron
Sympatico, convergence's first cousin, must
be at work today 'cause my parasympathetics
are picking up her stomach turning. Maybe
my desire to take some of her pains is
working (or I ate too many Meadow Gold's
yesterday). No matter, some cranberry tea is
warming the Pepto right now and I know
she's enduring the unpleasantness from a
titanium strength personal best big girl
posture. I think she gets "too good to be true"
label from pickers who can't see past the
pockets. I read all this and it sounds level and
obvious knowing others would see love
blindness in action. Yes, there's some of that
but she really is such a magnificent
combination of good things that it requires
someone like me to see it all together, while
doing my best to keep from getting
overwhelmed by the reality that's it's all true. I
won the jackpot that doesn't require me to
hold an oversized check on TV but is worth so
much more than seven figures in the bank.
She trusts me enough to let her strength go
away when I'm hoeding her, saving that
strength where it's being used for a brief spell
, then it's all power all the time for us. For the
moment, she's here within me and the flutter
is more dominant than the turning.
November 14,
2004 All paid
jobs absorb and degrade the mind.
~~Aristotle
The pause that vitalizes is less probable in
places where you serve so many. The
distractions outnumber the amount you can
filter at a time and refreshed too often to
make a list. It florishes well where you engage
her in whatever place she wants to be. Her
choices are solid enough to generate
confidence that she's OK with her choices. It
also florishes when I can look way past the
fronds and take in the wealth of the universe
which responds to our wants. Our connection
is most assuredly the most all encompassing
than it's ever been. Always talking through
the truth with the truth has us doing that
synchronicity thing at will. The
Touch-O-Meter gives readings on us that are
beyond its scale. Deepak's producer would be
flashing a sign to us "yo, get a room". It is important to do what
you don't know how to do. It is important to see your skills as
keeping you from learning what is deepest and most
mysterious. If you know how to focus, unfocus. If your
tendency is to make sense out of chaos, start chaos.
~~Carlos Casteneda
Oh, to begin the story with a declarative that it is non-linear
and aiming for pure potentiality. Each of these slices are the
circulation of the energies and messages coming through our
soul. Dogs and chickens are unable to tell stories, but we
can. Today's is about living forever. The sustain pedal on a
piano moves the damping mechanism away from the strings
allowing full duration. There is no sustain pedal on a pipe
organ so your legatos have to be done with your fingers. And
we know all about the need for adding sustain to our planet
which will be crawling with 9 billion of us by 2050. But the
real triumph and break through in sustaining comes when
your life adds the love you've been searching all your days
and nights. Where was this simple but elusive mantra when
sleepless nights and thoughts of dying hoarded the best
parts of my creative mind? She's my humanity and my hero -
what a concept...marry your hero. November 12, 2005 In art, the hand can
never execute anything higher than the heart can imagine.
~~Ralph Waldo Emerson
One hen.
Two ducks.
Three squawking geese .
Four limerick oysters.
Five golden rings.
Six pairs of Don Alverzo's favorite tweezers.
Seven thousand Macedonians in full battle array.
Eight brass monkeys from the ancient, sacred,
secret crypts of Egypt.
Nine apathetic, sympathetic diabetic old men on
roller skates with a marked propensity towards
procrastination and sloth.
Ten spherical, lyrical diabolical demons of the
deep who consistently quiver on the quarry
of the key constantly.
Jerry Lewis once did this with Ed McMahon on his live show
back in the early 60s. I remembered more than half of it
because I can still access junk stored for no explainable
reason in my memory. I revere my recall and will be sad when
it degrades but for now, it plagues the stillness of the nights
by featuring tangential characters from my former life in truly
stupid dreams. She has wild dreams, too but they include her
sibs and parents - a trade I'd make in a heartbeat. Meantime, I
give thanks for the sleep that forestalls the decline. The left
over endorphins from yesterday make the rendezvous by the
jets later today mighty promising. Holiday season is
here. November 10, 2005 Nothing is more noble,
nothing more venerable than fidelity. Faithfulness and truth
are the most sacred excellences and endowments of the
human mind.
~~Marcus Tullius Cicero
The ethos of wandering versus the long stay in dreamland.
It's gathering the surges from the new and undiscovered
convergences and trying to even remember the good parts of
straying, if there were any real good parts. The good part
about today's good parts is they are today. The
freshness of today's exchange remains at the top of the list of
things that make your eyes beam. Know It means knowing
what you really want, like when the pacifier no longer fills the
nipple-want. You say the sucky makes you happy but it's
really the nipple that you want. Happiness is easier to get
when you have what you really want than just getting things
that make you happy hoping to find what you really want. So
start off each day Knowing It. Then lavish yourself in it. No N
words - say it all, everything, knowing you avoid being conflicted when you
can say what you really want to say and you can say
anything......anything in dreamland, in the zone, those moments when your fingertips need to touch and when she's
listening and not rolling eyes a la her sis-in-law. It circumvents
contradiction which works better in other places than here.
The place itself encourages venting. I'm just there to
maximize the output. which in itelf is the perfect container
for the effusive feelings released. November 9, 2005
The Child is the father of the Man.
~~William Wordsworth
I am taking the 9th - No, not like taking the 5th on
the wittness stand, but with her as the
wittness, I'm invoking the "except when
would do harm" clause in the 9th command from the ladder called 12 steps
to sobriety program. My amends for the
offenses go to the obvious in former life, but
then what? Showing remorse is down the list
of conversations with the soul. Exuberance of
the day is more like the message the soul is
saying, not re-living yesterday. Earl may be
doing the 9th but I'm on the one step
program sharing the soul with her. We are the
foreground music, background sounds
optional. That's why there are no bases for
marching to sobriety when you're impairment
free, so stay pairmented. And there's no
grieving about former life aberrances, so the
truth is I used the 9th as a metaphor for
Beethoven's 9th, which often themes the soul
massages (that and its ilka chase). The image
to accompany the theme is her in her pink
sweater girl revealer this morning, Finah than
carolinah. November 8, 2005 You may never get to touch the
Master, but you can tickle his creatures.
~~Thomas Pynchon
Getting to the crackdown requires getting a handle on the
concept. It means getting past the notion crackdown is the
opposite of crack-up as in "Confucius say woman standing
on head has crack-up". Crackdown is a term of suppression, as
in knowing when to keep the thought inside until it can get
full treatment or as much as needed. If I rely too much on
real-time monitoring, I annoy (falsetto singing of TV themes,
blah-blah China, etc.) before I catch myself sometimes. It
needs early detection so that transition from the black hole in
the synapse fires on time before annoyance sets in. The need
to determine the boundry is one of those shit removal
projects but just as necessary. Messin' around with boundries
is self-reliant on tension. It gets bounced around before
entering the next channel and that can be tense out of
necessity. This is another of those in-the-womb originations
and carries us through all the levels in life. Mothers know that
this tension is in the interest of protecting their offspring and
instinctively are wary about tension-relieving prophets
influencing the flock. It's a pleaser's destiny to face the wrath
of skeptics for breaking the tension cycle but not so much the
required tension. OK to chill if the big stuff's taken care
of. November 7, 2005
I never yet
heard man or woman much abused that I was
not inclined to think the better of them, and
to transfer the suspicion or dislike to the one
who found pleasure in pointing out the
defects of another.
~~Jane Porter
One man's cathexis is another's broken replay.
The best thing about libidinal hiatus is the
fuel it transfers to the out of body placement
of these revelations. They're here for me to
add even more fuel. What we're now doing is
to do each other's dreams via the groupwise
we use - one soul transmitting to each of us.
I'm still on dreams because I doing her
dreams is new to me and the closest she's
revealed from her doing my dreams are
frontal lobe suggestions. But she knew what I
meant about what we're committing to these
oncoming weekends and that came straight
from the soul. It usually leads to questioning
whether the energy's coming from or to my
fingertips. The sensation from overflowing
palms is probably right from the womb - it's
too instinctive and pleasure-sustainable to
come from the temporal lobe alone. There are
memories but the actual enactment (speach,
action and gesture) produces sensations so-o
sweet that the libidinal fuel is optional.
Darken room light then feast on the the tips
that make fingers just a stand-in for the real
star - what the soul told me in the womb.
November 6,
2005 Revenge is
often like biting a dog because the dog bit
you.
~~Austin O'Malle
Bloodless coup in my reverie last night - the
inevitable slam only took 11 years and
mercifully I awoke before I got to pillow him.
The pot connection dream that preceded it
leaves me with the obvious message that the
cost of toking would be getting thrashed by
the predecessor. Long live lucidity. Maybe one
indie flick too many, stupid Vince Gallo
megalomanic fluffer,(but love won out, so...).
This day needs the kind of uplift only romance
can provide and the steamy haze around the
morning coffee was a suitable start. I need the
remnants of the apoplexy I experienced at
3:10AM to turn into comedy fodder.
Something like the old guy in the hospital
wearing an oxgen mask, mumbling "are my
testicles black?" to get the nurse to lift them
and tell him "they're fine" at which time he
removes the mask and says "that was nice, but
are my test results back?" November 4, 2005 There's a fine line
between fishing and just standing on the
shore like an idiot.
~~Steven Wright
Does anything make a clearer, more melodic
tone than the ringing of the family bell? Even
as the red carpet is being adjusted, the sound
of the second wave is like Yo-Yo Ma ripping
Bach's Suite in G Major Prelude, only more
frenetic. The payoff is she's as excited as I am
about the possibility and will be there in full
splendor if we get the call that it's on. Namo
Myoho Renge Kyo Namo Myoho Renge Kyo...
the lives of those whom we love are as
entwined with our soul as much as the pure
love which illuminates the way fashionably
while furtively making the realization a
mystery to only the self-absorbed. November 3, 2005 It's all
right letting yourself go, as long as you can
get yourself back.
~~Mick Jagger
The past tense of perfection is paragon and
two in a row under the stars is pushing
paragon. If releasing the emotions stirred by
finding this life causes envy, then the truth
that these words are from me just for me is
affirmed. How many of us (the charmed) still
think you have to get acknowledgement by
others for the things that make the most
sense to us? The truth takes you on a path
that guarantees you won't be on the news as
a liar and even better, you discover things
that conflate your genes and maybe inflate
your jeans, too. There really is a point in your
life when you really believe there's no time to
waste on diversions from the truth. This is all
in the name of riding where the truth takes
you. The following capacities have been met:
love, affection, comfort, the challenge, faith,
belief and impairment (all but impairment are
still in progress). The prime directive
continues to be taking the creations with you
by spotting the trail like little red marbles to
guide you back without losing your place.
Good truths are too hard to waste by getting
only ONE O from them. November 2, 2005 Ideas are
refined and multiplied in the commerce of
minds. In their splendor, images effect a very
simple communion of souls.
~~Gaston Bachelard
The notion that two people can share one
soul sounds supernatural even as I say it. But
yesterday, the words were barely posted here
and she called to say "fire up the 'cuzz tonite"
as if I'm sending my own signals thru her. I
was humbled. The connection keeps
strengthening and our pledge to eliminate
the fear is on top of the chart. I had the test at
school dream last night which is the poster for
stress. I'm so stress-free that it MUST be more
than that, plus I was making a mongoose
sandwich later on in the dream. The
mongoose kills rats, lizards and most
famously, cobras. That suggests to me the
caduceus, the symbol of medicine and the
mythological companion to Hermes who is
the Spirit of Crossing Over. My transcendence
is ever continuing but is forever bound to her
in our sojourn on this planet until we get to
our afterlife. My worth keeps appreciating as I
express appreciation for being chosen for this.
We're sitting on top of the world. November 1, 2005 Every human being has, like Socrates, an attendant spirit; and wise are they who obey its signals. If it does not always tell us what to do, it always cautions us what not to do.
~~Lydia M. Child
Making sense of the signals seems to be getting easier. Even just talking about jealosy was a signal that the quest for truth is alive and finding mutual movements to expand on truth is huge. The hold on the letter seemed at first to be an overlap of the influence during her day (lots of micromanagement of minutiae thrown at her, different from before when it was overexposure to contradiction and contrarianism) but backing away from asking it to be written is a signal we're both operating on the same signals. The bigger influence on her during the day is from homies and supers who have her best interest as theirs and that's comforting. Now, the signal I'm looking for is that first 'cuzz in the darkness after a balls against the wall day. October
31, 2005 The only
Zen you can find on the tops of mountains is
the Zen you bring up there.
~~Robert M. Pirsig
Rx for reality: More more more of the same. I
woke up not right last night. Not nervous like
after THE dream, but actually thinking there's
something wrong with me. I thought about
today's roof arrangement but it wasn't that. I
thought about her disgust with the other and
was fixed on keeping it in her strong box.
Then, she rolled over and caressed without
waking up and by 9 this morning I was
working out and by noon, she was on even
keel and I have to make her aware of how she
brings me around by her softness and
affection. The rest of today is just skating,
happy for the fixes and ready for the first of
the season to greet her in the dark.
Overflowing cup, what a blessing. October 30, 2005 Art is
pattern informed by sensibility.
~~Herbert Read
The daily transformations felt on this love
train transcend shamanic. Forget about
planetary harmonic convergence, when we
click after clicking goblets, there's nothing to
compare the ch-ch-changes we go through as
the conversation unwinds the thoughts we
need to bring out. Yesterday the mystery of
where the jealousy is rooted was revealed,
much like the revelations I set free after going
back and discovering what's here. The
Toonerville trolley, haircuts with Dad and
route retracing to my first job came to me
yesterday morning listening to Beltway
blarney on NPR (yes, I go here when the
political predictions, world events and other
blah-blah-blahs get ponderous). Everything
means something, so let's stick with the
things that heighten our convergence.
October 28,
2005 When you
can't remember why you're hurt, that's when
you're healed.
~~Jane Fonda
They, the they who claim 42.7 % of all
statistics are made up on the spot and that all
generalizations are false including this one,
they say romantic love is a form of brain
damage. They say love = infatuation = lust.
They say that all healthy relationships include
arguments and that temporary disrespect is a
fact of life as long as it's temporary. Sorry,
they... that's capitulation, man. My theory is
you have to grow to a certain level of
understanding to realize love should never be
stained but will remain pure only when
there's NO disrespect, none. Trouble is by the
time we're smart enough to get that, too
many disses have already splattered the
realm. So for the believers in
repentance/contrition, bless you.
If the contained behavior is enough to clean
your slate, you are lucky. This miscreant
couldn't cast off the bag of rocks, no how but
finding her made me a former miscreant and
can't let a day go by without saying thanks for
the second chance - the REAL second chance.
October 27,
2005 The
moment you have in your heart this
extraordinary thing called love and feel the
depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will
discover that for you the world is
transformed.
~~Jiddu Krishnamurti
The story goes like this: Highly paid rat race
professional hangs it up and moves to the
country where he tends to an herbal garden,
takes nature walks and lives reclusively
with____________ (fill in blank). The money
crowd thinks he's nuts for running away from
a coveted paycheck and the stressed out
crowd labels him a hero. One of my former
buds said I will either be enshrined as a prick
or a hero of the trapped for my foray into
rebirth. Doesn't matter, neither one changes
the outcome or hasn't yet. If it's courage that
gives you the power to move on or maybe
cowardice that enables you to run away from
your problems and the people you hovered
around, take your pick. I'm going with neither
since the force that made it happen was
overpowering, making the only what-if a
question if she felt it as strongly as I did (yes,
yea!). Even with a family milestone (and minor
celebrations) that have me engaged virtually,
I am so grateful everyday to have found her
and have this time loving her. October 26, 2005 Grace has been defined as the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul.
~~William Hazlitt
Balance...hangin' on...letting go....when to
hold 'em....when to fold 'em. The binness part
likes to be the test here. We already found out
that nothing about the enterprise can break
us. The worst moments in '99 and Y2K
showed how far we can stretch, tear then
regenerate. So a rain-stained ceiling doesn't
stand a chance of being the make-or-break
test. The hard part for me, and probably for
anyone in even a just normal love bond is when to
give in and when to stand. My hesitation is
tinged with knowing that when her common
sense prevails, she's 10 times better than I
am at assessing situations. When she's
gagging on a gnat or just scared, my
confidence in her take is not so much. The
extremes are 1) Know-It-All and 2)Helpless. I
want to add to her strength to get us
somewhere in between the extremes without
being one of those harmful enablers. There's
never any trust issue with her so I go with her
take regardless of the hesitation in my mind.
Therefor, binness - I declare that you are simply a burning candle in the
boudoir of this beautiful world. October 25, 2005 I saw the
angel in the marble and carved until I set him
free.
~~Michelangelo Transmogrification or Transubstantiation - I get them mixed up all the time
Branch managers like thickness more than
color (the leaves are meaningless if the bough
breaks while on it). Another reason I never
managed was deafness to straighten up and
fly right pleas. Getting through it is the
hardest part of getting to it, but once there,
the magic of love kicks in to eliminate the
incline. Since the meaning of life is staying
alive, the love reigns as the reason to live
forever, in case the hard part gets too much to
bear. Like when you can't get away from the
craptacular and you're ripe for affection. They
will come as answers that become defaults,
not rules. They scintillate to guide the
way. October 24, 2005
From the
cradle to the coffin underwear comes first.
~~Bertold Brecht
The character of Miles Raymond (Sideways)
keeps coming up in the thoughts. When he
heard from Maya that it didn't matter if his
book ever got published, that it's good and
the quality is enough reason to keep writing, I
hope he knew that it was the truth. I realized a
while ago that if I didn't take my ideas to
conclusion, I'd forget what I realized in image
and in word, hence all this. Earlier I
empathized with feeling like a loser,
remembering how it felt being one and how
much better it is being bombarded with love.
Today I'm sympathizng all who are being told
how they should feel by and from people who
should know better but they do not. Making
your decision based on what you are told to
decide is soulless until you decide because
you really believe it. But most of our beliefs
come to us from others starting with our
mothers who teach us how to nurture,
leaving us with the belief that you can live
your everydays being loved that way and
more. See? The belief in love simplifies all
decisions by applying it to anticipated
outcome (and the worst) and going with
what works best for love. No coin flip here.
When you take the chance on love, better be
the right one. Remain loveable; forestall the
decline. October 23, 2005 Love is perhaps
the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity.
~~Helen Hayes
Were the trains I was blowing up in last
night's dream a sign that my enduring battle
with being unable to get home in that
recurring nightmare is maybe behind me?
Now if that on-the-job repeater gets blown
up, too, I'm REALLY lucky. I can still taste the
artichokes in breakfast's fritatta and the
serenity level is high (sorry, Miles, not merely
quaffable, but uh... way better than
transcendent). The printed recap of these
offerings are noticeably tickling her
sensibilities and I sense even higher
understanding in the making. Memories of
my comparable feelings in the past of being
"a thumb print on the window of a
skyscraper" remind me how damaged I was
and how healed she's made me. Love is the
offspring of spiritual affinity says Mr. Gibran
and I am the caretaker of our soul.
October 22,
2005 Persistence pays
and so does a willingness to follow directions.
~~Lynn Abbey
, the
concentration focused on forestalling the
decline in either of them is an all out assault on the surplus of
splendor. I mean NO time wasted on the
proven traps (pop culture, consumerizing,
punditry, sports, impairment and so many
more) allows the primary to be able to create,
comprehend, purify and release then satiate.
When it works for the two of us, it affirms the
direction we're venturing in by allowing the
continued fascination we have for each other
to persist. It's all about the high value we
place on the fully engaged moments.
October
20,2005 Husbands are
awkward things to deal with; even keeping
them in hot water will not make them tender.
~~Mary Buckley
Forestall the decline then play to your
strengths using conviction as your
horsepower and love as your fuel. Simply, eat
healthier and maintain by working out, make
the largest infusion of the day tenderly spent
taking in messages of comfort and closure to
issues (soul signals), then unleash the passion
and affection when she appears. The decline
is inevitable - but to just invite it in is wrong.
The excitement of fully engaged interplay,
focused not on restitution but right on the
tingle from meditating on her while she
broadcasts her joy from loving me. It's active
and passive all at once. See through the withered branches
Cough out the powdered pollen of pout
Taste the crown of creation
Center inside the glow where there is no rude
Breathe October 19,
2005 By
appreciation, we make excellence in others
our own property.
~~Voltaire
Where somebody waits for me, sugar's sweet,
so is she....is that any way to start a love
rapture? Is there any other way as sweet? I
keep hearing some words from the past "you
can't recreate what you never had" and the
fallout was inevitable. What wasn't a sure bet
was that there ever would be somebody who
waits for me who is beyond any daydreams I
ever had. I never intended for this to become
a mystery to her, so I just came up with
another remediation: I'll go back a month and
summarize the words to encapsulate the
thinking and make a menu for her pick to
expand on the thoughts. Too much
understanding is represented here to have
her possibly miss some of the benefit.
October 18,
2005 On my velvet couch reclining, Ivy leaves my brow entwining, While my soul expands with glee, What are kings and crowns to me?
~~Thomas Moore
The tone of the piece was women should
train their men using dog training tactics
(reward & punishment). I always liked the
reward part, the punishment not so much. So
if not that, what? Aligning the defaults for two
who share one soul, for starters. That includes
finding a counter to every annoyance that
works for two, requiring the counter to come
from the soul. Getting the act of discerning
flyshit from the pepper and a mind appearing
as oblivious because of way elevated
thoughts - getting them to be covered by a
default is no simple counter. But once we're
both into the same soulful wavelength such
as the thunder and sound of rain thumping
on the surfaces the happiness and sweetness
prevails. Success over there in the workplace
can't be controlled from here, but having her
in her best frame of mind when she's there
gives her more control and that's where the
control in needed - there. Today's Raymond
moment is brought to you via Rusty
Trombone. Last meltdown was same time in
September, ergo PMS. Ergo ergo, my funk was
the sympathy pain. New To-Do: Find another
name rather than meltdown since it's a
phenomenon brought on by body chemistry
that's inbred into her DNA, not remotely
resembling a mental lapse for lapse' sake. My
funk has been long gone, replaced with
rhythmic romps into Man's brilliance.
October 17, 2005 I think that
Vaseline .. a sort of lubricant...that... moisten
that landscape and make it internal... the
mucous that binds things.
~~Matthew Barney
OK - the remediation for the minor meltdown
was to accept contributory negligence, which
we now are aware is tortly fading probably
because it bars recovery. Since neither of us
can respond other than damages,
smamages, it's a G O O D remediation. Back
on the horsie, Chris. The release this gives me
is one of those that's become the cliche of
modern times. But I mention it anyway
because the ride is what often travels on
unbound awe and that's cherry. The part of
the brain I used to waste on obsessing on
strange is now all trippy about loving her,
with only occasional nibbles of frittering away
a weekend. The return to this assures me the
proportions are closer to perfection than to
dud. She's back on the horsie and so am I.
October 16,
2005 There is a
time for work and a time for love. That leaves
no other time.
~~Coco Channel
Admiration and gratitude are like:
Respect and Appreciation which are like:
Love and Adoration. The gist of this is finding
the mix of a routine that blends them with
the to-dos so that they all get the right
attention. Getting sidetracked by a minor
meltdown makes the blend even more
primary. The zone excludes all time wasted on
not being liked, worrying about not being
liked and projecting how many
not-being-liked times are in our future. I'm
banking on the root cause being office
related but the thought that there are more
meltdowns after the office is history does
affect today. My rap is I take them too
seriously so I'll go with that and move on
towards the pure joy of the continuum
blessed with erotic pandemonium. October 14, 2005
When religion has reached the point that man
makes up its content, then the climax of this
opposition has been reached.
~~Bruno Bauer
Put your sweet lips a little closer to the
phone.... Getting a mahnback during
crescendo time just played again and how
sweet the feeling IS knowing she's finishing
the week with a JBF look all day, I bet. The
wrap parties for the crew have been handed
off to the lifers there and she has me
wondering if she's aware of the relief in the
form of that's got me all
'dorphed today. I'll get the answer tonight.
The filtering provided during this morning's
ride, ellipse and crunch discarded sports
games, volunteer caregiving and all counters
to the love the one I'm with
reward called Our Life. Free again for
this, some Joe, some texture, some cloud
interpretations and of course, alot of lost in
her. October
13, 2005 The best
scientist is open to experience and begins
with romance - the idea that anything is
possible.
~~Ray Bradbury
Don't be enamored with the contradictions.
Part of self-analysis that teaches you to
apply to yourself those things that bother you about others becomes a habit.
Habitually, you begin to discover your contradictions, but because it
is a lifeline project, it certifiably needs balance by switching to
accent the positive whenever possible. Thus, we're faced again with
the Positive = spin = denial hypothesis (remediating the negative at
your best time when you're fully engaged in fixing addresses the denial claim).
She's
revealing so much more balance ever since we
deja-vued our vows to deal with the real and truth in
coversation. Distinct absence of eggshells and
yesterday's bout with disappointment that I
may have triggered her anxiety was doused by her
mid-morning up beat recovery. Maybe it was
just my recovery. The night included serious
tactile and an early morning pole
vault. October
12, 2005 A woman uses
her intelligence to find reasons to support her
intuition.
~~Gilbert K. Chesterton
Hanging on and letting go keeps reminding
how much attention is needed to keep the
balance from contracting. The feelgoods
about today's balance are pretty high. She 's
balancing kick-start now vs. any other
alternative. She feels left out from reading
these words but I still wince when I picture
her pissyness because of one word. The good
from me just putting down what I'm thinking
then summarizing in conversation seems the
better choice right now. But I can let go of
that if I believed she gets better insight from
perusing the day's package in person.
October 11,
2005 One of the
greatest necessities in America is to discover
creative solitude.
~~Carl Sandburg
It might all start when the lightbulb comes on
that the secret of life is stayin' alive. The lucky
ones learn that the bulletproof myth is life
threatening. So once stayin' alive becomes
the mission, doing what's necessary becomes
primary and the rest of the time can be spent
doing enriching experiences, the ones the
soul is so good at identifying. They're heavily
skewed towards the self quadrant (everything
can be fitted into a quartile, just ask the
developer of business metrics). But that's a
positive gyro as long as the entire matrix is
overlayed onto her (she's the prime in EVERY
quadrant). Intimacy keeps getting the highest
score time after time, thank you, O Great Spirit.
Minimizing pain ranks way up there, too. I
would so totally absorb her pain if it would
free it from her. I'm not as adept as she is
about enduring painful times but I'd get good
at it if it would divert it from her. October 10, 2005 Most plain girls
are virtuous because of the scarcity of
opportunity to be otherwise.
~~Maya Angelou
The voice in your head is an observer. Getting
suggestions from someone paying attention
can lead to some fairly extraordinary events. If
you can come to some acceptable answer to
why? the suggestion may get you in touch
with the real deal. My only caution so far is to
always remember the observer isn't really
someone out there watching you, if you keep
acting like that you get too geeked to prolong
the surges. Sometimes the voice has to be
answered STFU. But when the clutter is
cleared enough to make the observer
someone not only paying attention to you,
but also demonstrably able to deliver some
exciting but relatively low risk suggestions,
you want to get all the observations the voice
has to offer. If I tried to say here how the voice
sounds, it would be B movie "it just appears as
a free spirit message". Spent mucho time
pondering. But the suggestions NEVER are as
exciting as being on the direct receiving edge
of her surges. She exclusively demonstrates
she gets it just like I got it and the resulting
dose of endorphins, insulated from any
response I portray, makes my legs turn into
noodles. And the next day still a little
noodled. I do believe our soul is and forever
will be thevoice we both listened to the
most. October 8,
2005 Genius might be the ability to say a profound thing in a simple way.
~~Charles Bukowski
Do overs used to be a sign of second chances where mistakes could be corrected and in the society of ladies, another chance to find love. So what ever happened to do overs after finding the zone? There is no rerun feature of making it into another day with her in my arms. Usually Tuesday is different from Sunday not only in the to-do list but also in the inner glow when the affection pours out. The idea of ever getting where a do over with her was an option seems so far fetched that Hubble is needed just to get a speck of that realm. Do overs, like bad football Saturdays and unrestrained fantasies are gone from the abode. Oct 7, 2005 Thirty days
has September April June and Novober All
the rest have peanut butter except my
grandmother and she has a little red tricycle
~~Alfred E. Neuman
Runaway What-ifs hide humor better than a
dusty carpet. OK - what if the really bad
what-ifs show on your face? Are you thinking
wall? Better call Bob Blaublau Law. The
incredible thing is we're both locked into
working on the zone, taking care of business
in each of our ways and means then spottin' a
drop from the bah-ul, befriending a jet,
amazed that there's always more in the love
shack and thankfully nuzzlin' into some
pleasing place. Love knows no regrets leaving
the tears to be shown in all those funny
places. The blind guy with the baked potato
in Soul Plane made me cry more than New
Orleans meets the sea water. Oct 6, 2005 It got to a point
where every script I was being offered
involved some kind of nudity. And I had to say
to myself, 'Okay, people want to see the girl
from "Who's the Boss" with her tits out.' I had
to decide between eating and doing what I
love, acting, or getting a job at the Burger
King. So I went hooters to the wind, and now I
live in a mansion. Deal with it."
~~Alyssa Milano
In the recipe for happiness is the portion that
goes for the basic taste. All the food eaten as a
kid falls into the basic taste. Then there's the
portion that goes for today taste. You can't
maintain happiness if you rely exclusively on
basic taste. This has nothing to do with "what
have you done for me in the last 5 minutes?"
but is more like "you were happy on Tuesday,
what happened?". Grown up Doggie Howser
might say "the difference in Happy and
Happen is E comes before N, so you HAVE to
be HappE for good things to HappN." My
discoveries have to be centered around what
makes her happy because that's what makes
good things happen. You ask what about my
happiness? I offer the best of the soul
trimmings from the day with the only
limitation that maintaining clarity of self
doesn't lead to a high dose of indulgence.
Listening to Joe Williams, Oscar Peterson and
others while messin' with Modiglianis and all
the while extending the range of motion of
my synapses is instant, elevated happiness.
Oct 5, 2005 There is no chance,
no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or
hinder or control the firm resolve of a
determined soul.
~~Ella Wheeler Wilcox
The core of the reasoning for pursuing
discovery when your grown nose is
whispering Karl Malden is the admission we
still haven't figured ourself out and new true
information just might light up the dark areas.
of our self-knowledge. Anxiety in the dreams
means unconfronted or undiscovered sources
of anxiety incurred during consciousness, so
time spent on discovery here is promising. I
keep retracing to guilt from my former life
since my days are stress free and consider my
worry level to be in the normal range. But
today I found alexithymia which is a cognitive
disorder where you can't describe emotions
in words. One of its marks is few dreams from
lack of imagination. Kind of erectile
disfunction of the empathy probe. I just
added a line to my attributes
"alexithymia-free". Oct 4, 2005 Singing the rendition
Of hope in my condition
Caught up in defending
That truth is never ending
One fine morning I'll awake
Then reaffirm
One fine morning I'll awake
To love's return
~~Collective Soul
We are a corporation of two. Our charter and mission
statement is the soul we share. Deliverables and customer
satisfaction are replaced with just enjoying the ride the soul
has preordained and chauffeured. Its a one-of-a-kind
corporation because it's the only one with her and I together
but even more meaningful, its soul is one of the kind that
always fuels with love. Every soul is love bound but certain
ones, like the one that propels us, spews red hearts endlessly,
and emphatically points out what works and what doesn't. We
came from different places and know the torment in the
search that brought us face to face. What a gift to begin each
morning ready to ride. Oct 3,
2005 It's much easier to
consume the visual image than to read
something.
~~Lawrence Ferlinghetti
Finding the midpoint is often where we start
when figuring out a batch of information. This
assumes there are similarities that can be
added and divided by 2. Relationships that fall
in the middlin' catagory are the predictable
result of dividing by two. As in you do the
toilets and I'll rake the leaves //smeh!. The real
penthouse point in a relationship requires
both willing to take the ride as high as it can
go in harmony, both trusting the soul to seek
serenity. So why spend anytime trying to find
midpoints? Spending life with someone
getting the exact messages from the same
soul is beyond finesse - it's a chosen
experience that has no bad cuts. It's above
A-List, more decadent than castles, beyond a
capella harmonies and more brilliant than
Capella in Auriga. Too much soul is a
wonderful thing. Oct 2, 2005 Happiness makes up
in height for what it lacks in length.
~~Robert Frost
Like the silver sword of breakthrough,
piercing the awareness of another time, the
chorus I memorized but never performed
plays in my mind. Tender discord retains an
air of futilty in our realm where harmony
seeks its own refrain. Regression stokes that
futility to a simple restatement of the obvious
- only love can really set us free. Finding new
meaning in old lessons is a luxury, one that
can divert from recognizing new territory.
Love of only one person means among all the
people I love, she gets none of the hold backs,
a higher level of finesse, an open view of my
everything that no one gets to discern - the
unblemished wilderness of our soul. Our new
territory is unleashed by the comprehension of every unzip
resulting from persistent nurturing and
divine attention to the good parts. She is just flawless in her love, satisfying our soul simply beyond where it has ever been. A serene soul is the supreme pleasure.
Oct 1, 2005 Man is the only
animal for whom his own existence is a
problem which he has to solve.
~~Erich Fromm
Chasing dreams in a You Did - Did Not world
can be lethal to lifestyles that are
independent of stir-the-pot strategies. Maybe
that's why love so easily silences instructions
to trigger those are-we-having-fun-yet
escapades. The picture of a guy in his $10k
spa replete with plasma TV dissolves in a blink
to eyes that routinely see her face, hear her
words and feel her adoration among the
bubbles in the grotto we call 'cuzz. It just
happens to be a place where the amplitudes
of free verse cascade in place of sonnets from
another redemption. The exchange is the O in
the compound which eludes alchemists of
the soul but remains the discovery of a
lifetime. Take that to the bank from a dream
chaser in a former life. Sep 30, 2005 Money isn't the most important thing in life, but it's reasonably close to oxygen on the "gotta have it" scale.
~~Zig Ziglar
Licked in the Late Innings
Is saying the unthinkable the same as making it possible? I'd love to stay in the place where thinking about it is the same as making it is. Conjure = actual. For the first time ever I can share my thoughts, knowing they are treated as actual, but it flummoxes me to keep this from Rusty Trombone. She likes the parts where she disagrees not so much. So the pandemic of political correctness in the recent past was based on thinking correctly or be accused of thinking the unthinkable, ergo making the terrorists win. I think the trick is to pick your audience and still get your thoughts out for your own benefit if for no one else. What is better than answer love, read, write, imagine, create, maintain range of motion, no horizon on range of emotions which fuel romance and cocooning in dreamland when asked "what do you do?"? Sept 29, 2005 In sci-fi
convention, life-forms that hadn't developed
space travel were mere prehistory -
horse-shoe crabs of the cosmic scene - and
something of the humiliation of being stuck
on a provincial planet in a galactic backwater
has stayed with me ever since.
~~Barbara Ehrenreich
Writing about dreams always confronts the
insight vs. waste of time argument. When you
wake up to a dream where you are back to
your former existence, almost glad to be there
because you say that in the dream, and the
place is falling apart, the neighborhood went
to shit and you ponder whether that's shame
flowing over you for leaving and permitting
the place to go to shit. But it ain't never going
to shit because the place was revered by the current owner
and will be treated accordingly, death do they
part. So the dream instantly goes to the
catagory Bad Dream at Nite, Great Dream All
Day. Now here's a similarity - during the Great
dream, she's at work draining her capacity,
woikin' hahd for the money and she'd never
flee her homeland frivolously either. But she & I fled
for love which flows through everyday with a
flavor that keeps tasting better. She finds the
meaning better than I could in my best days
and shares it with me effortlessly. But her
pretty woman quality transcends Julia in
galactic magnitudes and never spent no time
in a whorehouse neither. I reverberate with
her heightened taste about what goes with
what here, then I make what's there taste
even better. It's the only way we live. Sep 28, 2005
Caring About Our World Obviously the facts are never just
coming at you but are incorporated by an
imagination that is formed by your previous
experience. Memories of the past are not
memories of facts but memories of your
imaginings of the facts.
~~Philip Roth
We begin believing by believing in God (forget Santa, Tooth Fairy period). God
lets us experience what its like to really
believe in something. We believe God cares
about us. That's where we learn to care about
others like God cares about us. So when you
get to the point in life where you've
disengaged from Care About the World and
instead you care totally about the woman you
really love, you just might be appearing as
cold to the CAW crowd. That's OK. Maybe if
you never had a CAW revelation in your
lifetime, you may not have met the
disengaged back then - Somebody will always
do that stuff...Red Cross Nurse syndrome....If
you don't give back, you'll miss out on
heaven...if you just take care of your own nest,
what happens after The Big One?? When I
came here, I came to ride out the rest of my
mortal life encased in love - right here with
her. Doing the give back part endures, but
now it is giving it to life with her
unashamedly. Sep 27,
2005 Delay always breeds
danger; and to protract a great design is often
to ruin it.
~~Miguel de Cervantes
The best thing about self-analysis is after
years of success after success, you can move
on to soulmate analysis. The sharing of a soul
can be analyzed using the things that worked
in getting so adept about the essentials of
your self. So adept that you always go to
what you want as in YOU want. The goal of
establishing what WE want is what reigns
supreme in the zone, so always knowing what
works to make the zone be everyday is where
I'm focusing. Knowing what comes out of me
as pissy to her needs fixing, and I'm already
into the fix that all STFUs WILL come out as
Hey Babys. That came from the sharing thing
and taking her tip beholdenly. A definite day
after day, defuzzing from impairment still in
progress. Competency portrayed minus the
ball-busting restocking via bike. The trick is to
be willing to detach from what you've learned
about women, and focus on just that woman
who shares our soul - there's still PLENTY to
be learned from her....unconstrained
passion. Sep
26 2005 In order for the artist to have a world to express he must first be situated in this world, oppressed or oppressing, resigned or rebellious, a man among men.
~~Charles Baudelaire
Confessing the inevitable
When thinking about what takes away from being happy (worry) it goes to competency portrayed, not merely mentioned. When recounting short term memory about what I was capable of doing exceptionally well (we don't do subpar very well - cluttered garage not a good example), I still draw blanks. Blanks are not so good. I think my anxiety associated with dreams has been quelled by having faith that dreams happen during sleep and since sleep is the healing time, dreams = excellent. But blanks are another thing entirely. Since they're only occurances during elevated impairment, the 1st step is to eliminate EI as we'll call it. Day one of EI NEVER AGAIN. So back to portrayed competency - we're hopefully not on the brink of Jane Ybarra Syndrone (retirement is the solution to fix the declining situation on the homefront). That, regrettably, would mean I'm sending a less-than-competent signal to her. Retirement is the solution for extending time in the zone permanently. I virtually live there to the grandest possibility when she's not right here. But when she's here permanently, huzzah! It's from never letting the boundry get close to "what about me?" meaning if I ever find myself writing "what about me?" then we instantly go to Invoke Jane Ybarra antidote. I need to douse her worries about here when she's away. All Competency all the time. Sep 25 2005 The computer can't tell you the emotional
story. It can give you the exact mathematical
design, but what's missing is the eyebrows.
Frank Zappa
Oh, the oblivion of impairment - almost forgot
what the full effect feels like. Thankfully, she
handled the return to here flawlessly. It added
up to the grass isn't greener anywhere else.
So the love beam is penetrating the clouds
from Stagg's Leap and she's furthering the
momentum by just being herself. It almost
appears that when she does her and I do me
here, the strength in the center relaxes the
stretched amygdalas, limbering the limbics.
The evening and tomorrow will have all the
added pleasure of the Hoed button held
down. Well, it's tomorrow already. Sep 23, 2005 Intuition is
linear; our imaginations are weak. Even the
brightest of us only extrapolate from what we
know now; for the most part, we're afraid to
really stretch.
~~Ray Kurzweil
So the light of insight lit her lunch time. Too
much required discourse with the
counterpart to engage in bullshit; too much
achievement in getting things accomplished
to not use it. So the dream returned again last
nite, so much for exorcism via this. But once I
stop, there better be in place a way of
capturing these highlights of understanding.
If she asks what scares me, I'd start with worst
possible - dissolution. Knowing that won't
ever come from me, the next would be that
my lack of perfectionism (isn't that a great
term for terminal laziness?) wears us thin. I've
already admitted she's better than I in the
shop and I still cling to the notion of rising to
the occasion instead of signing on to work
strengthens while pleasure consumes. I could
be wrong. Sep
21, 2005
A cause may be inconvenient, but it's
magnificent. It's like champagne or high
heels, and one must be prepared to suffer for
it.
~~Arnold Bennett
The practice of meaningful conversations
gets some credit for the magic last night.
Even the timing was spongeworthy. She's
smarter than me when topics are framed in a
business motif so it never goes in loops if we
stick with the logic. The darkness of the
candlelight and the soothing sounds in the
distance were the difference in softening the
harshness of the exaggerated words we used
to get us each an action item (you tho't I was
kidding about the binnnesss thing...): She's
going to come up with a first line of defense
for the issue that she made her top priority
and I will eliminate any and all obstacles to
the reward of having fun. Beyond the faith,
beyond the hoed, the grape hailed the agape,
the words reached our soul and the back rub
induced another frenzy of the rocked world
variety. I'm surprised this is as lucid as it is, but
not surprised that I'm so deep in the zone the
Big Bang hasn't happened yet - and I think
she might be, too
Sep20,2005
The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge
but imagination.
~~Albert Einstein
Conversation got off to a familiar tone so no
mention of the weekend. I could see some
minor disgust in yesterday's tone so I
probably anticipated that putting thoughts
here was going to take more steps. More is
better, I'll take that ploy and not restrain nor
use any mood enhancer flavoring for the sake
of elevating her happiness here. But I need to
be on that revelation track without fear of
inciting her flight to silence, otherwise known
as not impressed with your swinging dick.
That's actually too harsh to label her after a
stressful week but it comes out my brain that
way so it ends up here that way. It's also
probably too harsh to use "so why don't you
use what works for sustaining your
happiness" when I know the answer is that's
what I'm here for. She needs constant
infusion of happiness maintainers but first is
to clear the queue of unfinished business.
Workin' on that, Nat.
FOR OPENER'S Sep19,2005 As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of
human existence is to kindle a light in the
darkness of mere being.
~~Carl G. Jung
I always knew lvlovers.com would come in
handy. My spot on blogspot.com went from a
source of joint revelation to a wedge of
potential mountainous proportions so here's
where Fall 2005 begins from the fingertips of
a smitten lover. I want to get a conversation
going with her like a therapist using cognitive
or behavior or aversion therapy and have her
say the coldest most exaggerated opinion
she's thought about our fallout this weekend.
I'm using the following: You came out your ass
again and now you want to cover your ass like
you do when you think you're in need of a
defense. You don't come out your ass much at
work but you still think of a response when
you think you touch the line. If you really
believe going off alone on a weekend with
that part of you that likes me not so much, all
because of a word on Rusty Trombone, and
you think that's a sign of deep happiness, we
have alot more talking to do. If you think it's
not the word but the IDEA that I'd criticize
you that you believe is worthy of a silent
weekend, then I need to ask you why the
other words that describe how essential it is
we stay in the zone don't count? And if you
just admit there may be something to getting
bummed out by the week's aches and pains,
I'd say you picked the ideal spot and time to
get that out, but we could do it
conversationally if you'd keep your temper
under control ( I say temper, you say hurt
feelings - same difference for this discussion.)
So if I can get this started tonite, I'll
summarize tomorrow.
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