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Because I could not stop for Death --
He kindly stopped for me --
The carriage held but just ourselves
And immortality.
~~Emily Dickinson

Lunacy half-steps as soon as we mate. Madness is eradicated when we mate with that one angel who delves into the same stream of the collected consciousness as you do. Not as lofty as they sound, if you start with the possibility that the only thing that really exists is the self - YOU! We make the only reality our capacity allows and if you never mated, you would reach a point when you wonder if even YOU really exist. Cogent connections are the carbon datings of proving she really exists, so ta-ta meltdowns. Today's lesson: take-a-bullet devotion = life everlasting.

M O R E

January 30, 2006

To be worth making at all a journey has to be made in the mind as much as in the world of objects and dimensions. What value can there be in seeing or experiencing anything for the first time unless it comes as a revelation? And for that to happen, some previously held thought or belief must be confounded, or enhanced, or even transcended. What difference can it make otherwise to see a redwood tree, a tiger, or a humming bird? ~~Ted Simon

Our cohesion registers my assurance that medical fixes keep us in the zone as much as any fine ingredient. Getting promises is unnecessary because the trust level is way above the peak of the scale. She knows that my works-in-progress filagree matches her pedigree like our matching skins. Getting rid of the dizzies will cast out any fears that rock the world moments might come with a price. She rocks my world with the level of love that 's transcendent beyond quaffable with trust. Gotta click up the range of motion a notch.

January 29, 2006

One of the good things about getting older is you find you're more interesting than most of the people you meet. ~~Lee Marvin

There's something about being told to fix something about me that reminds me competent people do best fixing the things about themselves the way that works best, unless help is requested. PLUS, fixing something every day isn't always what the day gives you. Getting everyday things like cleaning and cooking to be positive accomplishments is so easy compared to implementing systems and motivating salaried co-workers. Now about those collective consciousness moments, aren't they a helluva gas? She sees right through the traffic cones and sails clearly as I speak. The Aristocrats would've worked better if they used the joke about the guy who scammed a free drink at a bar by pleading for understanding that he's an accomplished song writer and the bartender calls his bluff and arranges for him to play at the keyboard. He does and gets a standing ovation to which the bartender inquires why that song alone hasn't made the maestro a fortune. When told that no publisher would touch it, he asked "what's the title anyway" and was told "I Love You So Fucking Much I Can't Shit" Ba-vroom-shish! Ah, the movie still would have sucked. Sunday delites and cool January nights make for weekend hilites.

There is a time in every man's education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better for worse as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. ~~Ralph Waldo Emerson

If jealousy is the fear of losing something and envy is the wish to have someone's possessions, what's the name of having neither? I want to protect, secure and perpetuate my life with her but there's no jealousy or anything resembling a fear of losing her PLUS there's nothing I want that somebody has, so maybe that explains my temerity towards restraint of just saying the truth. The risk here is chosing this media that grants world access where it used to require access to the drawer with all the papers stashed in it or accompanying chosen patrons to the storage area where the art was stored. My belief says no one is reading or critiquing here but us - the only ones who understand why. After hearing about pilgrimages and why they're healthy spiritual purges, I realized this is like a pilgrimage without the horrors. So just like the canvasses in the garage evolving to HTML, retrieval and .psd's., pilgimage purging is equalized by staying attuned to the messages from the soul. I'm getting getting success feelings in the four areas of concern today and a weekend that launches with that temerity mentioned above. She's receptive and oh so am I. {{here's to you, Wolfgang \_/ \_/}}

January 26, 2006

When I approach a child He inspires in me two sentiments: Tenderness for what he is, And respect for what he may become.

~~Louis Pasteur

My mirror shows me what I've become. Not so much the crevasses and the flaps but more the imaginary time lapse stream reminding me of the terrain covered so far. It's a spectacular view from the top, where I need look no further than her hand touching me to explain the perfection. I promised her a life filled with joy and affection everyday, the stud muffin came included. The top is also a threshold, opening to a place where finessing thru the rapids needs alot of steadiness and durability to back bone the ride, where the water spray in your face and the sweet smell of the rain forrest is equalled without ever leaving your spot. Bill was right asking where do we want to go today? I want to go there and I already am.

January 25, 2006

Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."

~~Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

Sleep deprivation is like the first week the first time you go on Atkins, you can pick up the phone, but the dial tone is silent. But like the postal service, neither rain, nor hail nor fuzzy brain waves can keep these words from flowing. Great connections with the family glamour girl today. I let the pixels brighten the screen with today's version of Hey, how are you doin'? to compensate for lack of brilliance this morning. Closing in on a third of a century - gee, the time's going fast. Made it to the safe zone without ever paying for sex, crossing the buttocular line or going ebony. All-American like Norman Mailer. Got me a trophy girl, too.

January 24, 2006

I have discovered that when we least care to admit it, we feel more confused than thankful, more caught than called, more worried than gracious. In humble moments when we can no longer gloss over the roughness of life, gratitude has a way of pushing out the real soreness of feeling cheated or inadequate to the rugged realities of the world. Gratitude seemed to be a handy response to dodge the tough things for which there are no simple or comforting answers. ~~Patrick J. Malone, S.J.

So today is supposed to be the bleakest day of the year because: 1) it's far from next Christmas (YAY!) 2) debt due from last Christmas (??) 3) January weather sux (60&sunny?) and some crapola about no Harry Potter & Super Bowl. Sounds an awful lot like du jour living, as in bored with today, boo-hoo. Maybe that's why I'm experiencing none of the above, du jour here is magnifique! Monty Alexander - What a Friend We Have in Jesus. Pork sausage on a roll. How adorable she looked this morning, the red sweater, the clockstopping cuteness touched by her hair. The illusions of love are providing all the light today, not the trompe l'oeil kind but more the thoughts generated by the images that solidify that the material world is trumped by our immaterial senses.

January 23, 2006

Happiness discloses itself to a writer as the end and purpose of life, and art and love are the only means to a writer's happiness. ~~Ambrose Bierce

There's an underlying foundation from spending days and nights with someone who never suffered a drop of disrespect from you and who wants to continue performing on this foundation forever. It makes the focus everyday on things that nurture us instead of things that create even the slightest separation. Thinking about reuniting with a past flame produced the same response - she had some curiousity if selected ones survived OK and I pictured seeing the source of a long time crush and it paralleled the excitement of watching the video of a played football game. Yesterday is desaturated only because today is so vibrant. The illusions of love are vivid and multi-layered, easy on the eyes and more tangible than lost in space hypotheticals. She keeps my lover shirt freshly laundered for cool January hoeds.

January 22, 2006

It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. ~~Dave Barry

He's 96 today- the age I expect to reach with both feet ON the ground. His balance gave me character to offset the adulation, early humility to forray through impairment and belief in belief that led me to her. Roe v. Wade was decided on his birthday - wonder if others with a similar destiny as mine never got the chance to taste it? Lord Byron, whose birthday noogies were given on this same date, said adversity is the first path to truth, the path father divined for me. I never reached full reckoning with you, Dad, but I know you know how much of my absorption of love was channelled from you. I toast you, the man I thought I could never be until I discovered I never could have found it if you were not who you are. Cheers! Bravo ! and P. S. - we should have made them buy a ticket...

January 20, 2006

I have told you that, no matter how many times you have refused to enter the sanctuary, you have only to knock and the door will be opened to you. I have said to you "Ask and it shall be given you," but you refuse to believe in me. You think that someone is counting your sins, your moments of indecision or recalcitrance, but it is not true. You are the only one counting. I say to you brother, "stop counting, stop making excuses, stop pretending that the door is locked. I am here at the threshold. Reach out and take my hand and we will open the door and walk through together." I am the door to love without conditions. When you walk through, you too will be the door. ~~Paul Ferrini

Soulmates need a free spirit. That suggests optimizing situational liberties, not necessarily lacking in moral content while accepting survival-related adjustments in life style. To reach the goal of living forever, I need to keep survival safeguards right along side good health habits as defaults (where I go ever waking day). But the unconstrained spiritual side goes to wonderful places, all conducive to loving her. Yesterday's piss trip and todays focus on heat are typical places replete with discovery. Sweating in the coolness of January requires physical exertion = workout = endorphin buzz a la poke....washing out the toxins. So yesterday's remarks to the sib about awaiting the HOT just may be based on that buzz and not just the underwater excursions and chaise parking. But today is privy to its version of that buzz and I'm taking every drop of it. If we look at scenes in a movie as life, do we want to break it into doable size takes (YES) then do each take many times until it's no longer getting any better (??) or do each take several times, but all different, then stop at some point and select the best (MAYBE)? The reality is that the nation building drill going on over there is just a drill for the inevitable rebuilding here (we don't care if the pipelines and roads actually get completed, we just want to practice for doing it here to see how many armed security guys are needed & how many are too few/many, etc.). Today's stimulation to my frontal lobe is straight ahead. Maybe its true that you have to put the left brain asleep first. Mine's snoring. Conversational update on why doctors should be in my self-fix is our topic, no power-points necessary, just infuse it with romance.

January 19, 2006

You should examine yourself daily. If you find faults, you should correct them. When you find none, you should try even harder." ~~Israel Zangwill

Rinse the piss off your hands. I discovered most guys who devolved into letting a trickle of water touch the 3 fingers you held your nozzle with when you drain the snake, then call that "washed hands" to satisfy some voice of correctness. Fast forward to the point in life when you've gone years without a cold or flu, where you actually wash your hands with soap and water frequently, including post-urinal events, and Rinse Off Your Piss advances to a metaphor for Don't Sweat The Small Stuff , Stay Engaged and ______________(add favorite here). Part of comebacks are the conscious checklists that you've mainstreamed that need a good walk-thru to vitalize the comeback. Since the goal is to live forever, the health component needs constant refreshing. Today's word is pleonastic, meaning using excessive amounts of words, something I reflect on with caution. This style is just for me, it is pleonastic, unintentionally obsfucated but so-o in need of diffusing to appeal to the casual reader. Since there are none, I use the style to satisfy the tho'ts-into-words pleasure while still resgistering these tho'ts for help with future c'monbacks. I get triangulation with the quote and the art clustered with the same vision that brought me here. It's the pulp of pondering, for things you want to do but can't find the time and then you make the time just to really think about them. We are empowered with so many tools that the challenge is to be able to use them productively exactly where we are engaged.

January 18, 2006

Tension is the great integrity. (On his belief that “tensegrity” gives coherence to the structure of the universe.) ~~Richard Buckminster Fuller

Need a little comeback this morning. Some of the imposed urgency to get back to the gym maybe was an admission that the recent slippage towards inactive couldn't be tolerated. The post-sweat buzz is when the receptors are picking up tips from the collective soul and they A L W A Y S lead where the giving is good. Hard not to hear the cries from the persecuted off in the distance during solitude but the guidance she's seeking comes in High Definition and maybe that's the biggest contributor towards adopting the comeback motif. The contribution has to be in proportion, in kind and within the range of excellence when the cause is love. It rates right there with politics, and beliefs on the list of things to never tell anybody whom you care about that theirs is wrong. Like the collective soul, there must be a universal love to which every person identifies but the love we lovers enjoy has our own blend of physical and spritual, with added emphasis on self-repair and joint giving. Maybe it's the blend for these two lovers but too much or not enough for others. If that's not thrust into group conversation, it matters not. What does matter is letting her fix while I take care of the essentials. I'm coming back - olive oil is intriguing, productive workout, thinking about shampooing less in the ear project.

January 16, 2006

In lazy apathy let stoics boast Their virtue fix’d: ’t is fix’d as in a frost; Contracted all, retiring to the breast; But strength of mind is exercise, not rest. ~~Alexander Pope

Dizziness is just a result of sex when you let go of any restraints. Looseness, uber-orgasms, 'dorphed for days kind of JBF'd - we're talkin' prime. Loving just her is where I evolved, this place where we found triumph together with so much help. It seemed like it was all on us when we took the steps that led here, but we found out right away that we were getting help from the best force we know. I discovered very soon after birth that intimacy with ladies, big and small, led to levels way beyond proficient at inducing ecstasy. Loving ecstacy. Maybe it was my birthright to leave a legacy as a card-carrying lover as rated by a dozen or so co-explorers. What means even more is learning from all those virtuosic episodes to focus the infinite remaining emphatic ecstasy exchanges exclusively with her. The things we do during these trips are important but they've been covered previously and the only thing that matters is to be able to let go of the restraints and let the endorphins flow at a dizzying level. I cherish my dizziness and transfuse that within her in her first choice of manners. My largess comes from knowing she really doesn't realize how much more of a virtuoso she is than I.

January 16, 2006

We can make inspired guesses, but we don’t know for certain what physical and chemical properties of the planet’s crust, its ocean and its atmosphere made it so conducive to such a sudden appearance of life. We are not certain about the amount and forms of energy that permeated the environment in the planet’s early days. Thus the problem that scientists face is how to explain the suddenness in which life appeared on this young (4.6 billion year old) planet earth. In the nineteenth century, scientists first began to accept the concept of biological evolution and to dismiss the possibility that life had been created in its present complexity by some supernatural agency. That raised the question of how this extraordinary phenomenon called life could possibly have come to be by accident. ~~Isaac Asimov

Using yesterday to help prepare for tomorrow makes that one of those automatics - the things that happen without pre-scripting the entire event. Like knowing that women looked the same from the Renaissance until now, so even with surgical sculpting, the look is still the same (no 3 breasts yet or dual packages). I heard about women's insatiable fixation on what they see as body flaws pointed out by some guy. It doesn't matter if that's usually true or not when you're not the pointer-outor. And as a bonus, it's moot if she's not a pointer-outer either. It still turns out that soul-generated messages about how turned on she is still defines the power in the pokes. That leads to both of us 'dorphed and JBF'd at the same time - the MMVI equivalent of the 2:30. It never gets into the automatic catagory, so each is better than all in the archives because it's right now and it's still worthy of revisiting because the feeling's still there. It lasts an indefinite time period and for me, so far, the next one is already in progress before the feeling wears off on today's. She's looking for progress and JBF stares, too, of appreciation and disbelief. The guy in Memphis in the '60s holding the I Am A Man sign should see how that declarative is now depicted by my expression right this moment.

January 15, 2006

God thus rewards the violence which your soul has been doing to itself; and gives to it such a domination over the senses that a sign is enough when it desires to recollect itself, for them to obey and so gather themselves together. At the first call of the will, they come back more and more quickly. At last, after countless exercises of this kind, God disposes them to a state of utter rest and of perfect contemplation. ~~Teresa of Avila

Stardust is back from somewhere before Big Bang and my limitations thwart attempts to actually discern a place which has no beginning. These same limitations keep me toggling back and forth to my former life and another limitation of mine keeps any revelations from comparing then and now limited to now is so much better than then. Our roof caps our home, the place where all the best things about now happen, and my focus is on her all the time. Maybe that is the simple revelation that all those declarations about the wonder of love really are the truth. Gotta have it, gotta keep it on top.

January 14, 2006

You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you. ~~James Allen

Fortuna, the goddess of luck, hooked up with Tyche, the goddess of chance, then fell from grace. Now I am ruler of the army and she is the daughter of joy so we share a soul and a life that surpasses joy, lead by good fortune. Said Dorothy Parker: And if my heart be scarred and burned, The safer, I, for all I learned; The calmer, I, to see it true That ways of love are never new- The love that sets you daft and dazed Is every love that ever blazed; The happier, I, to fathom this: A kiss is every other kiss. Said I: Her kiss is never like before, Our ways of love are new, Even happier, We, supplant our truth: Me is really you.

January 13, 2006

America is a young country with an old mentality. ~~George Santayana

About the same time as we begin to learn about belief in the invisible, something in between our relationships with our family and friends gives roots to what we become. Early sexual awakening only provides a piece of the essentials required later in life, but if you are destined to become perfectly mated. it's a highly esteemed component. I craved one-on-one interaction with my best friends even while constantly in group games with the other friends. Playing doctors with girls never crossed that line with friends which probably kept my lovers from ever becoming best friends........ until now. Self committed monogamy with her keeps the intimacy fresh, focused and fulfilling but now my best, most cherished friend ever is also my lover and that makes moot the wonderment of what if I had discovered this earlier in life. It plays out as exhausting the desire to do the group things that accented the first fifty years, replaced with immaculate cohesion to her, my co-tenant in the soul. Every weekend is anticipated like those teenage out-on-the-town times. Exuberance, man - with no distractions.

January 12, 2006

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. ~~Cyril Connolly

The sweetness from where our lips reunite eminates from these words. Like coming from darkness into the brightness of the fluorescent night light, the resumption of pleasure in baseline things, like our kisses, comfort us. You've seen my dings and they are OK and I've seen your perfection where my attention is transfixed and I swoon. Mother Sleep has healed again and visions of weekend hijinx would give me the crusties if not for the intelligence of the designer, who gave it to me right where it now beckons you. The sweetness of the kiss is stamped with our trademark with all the delight it brings. Gotta keep the talk flavored with that same sweetness regardless of realities. Space is a premium but our enhancements to it let us keep track of clutter, disposing of it whenever possible, so we heighten the laughter. D-I-V-O-R-C-E load it in your ass.

January 12. 2006

The major value in life is not what you get. The major value in life is what you become. ~~Jim Rohn

Getting touched by hands of her goddess being, touched where there's no distance from there to soul being, nutures these words to match that feeling. The tenderness and mellow from heart&mindfucks from the muse, blend with soul melifluously. The haunted memories only take up hamper space in the mansion of love where working as one and working as a team are blind-stitched at the soul. Honeymoon at Retirement where Medium Cool and Big Chill are suffering somewhere outside the gates. Let me entertain you.

January 10, 2006

I can't be everything to everyone. Send me your specs. ~~Mo Rocca

The road on which I get two different, sometimes opposing positions on something has taken its time getting me to here. When you're loopy or out of the loop just getting thoughts together questions present level of sanity. Better sleep thru chemistry or lack of same has me one level below Earl's brother on the 'how bright is your bulbs?' scale. But we're ere , our pants are full of romance and there' ll be a day ahead when that maybe cannot be said. Today is as much a gift as anyone can ask for, so our love is here to stay. They're wagging the dog as much as ever - 3 more years. Shit must happen, tho'

January 9, 2006

Life is short. Time is fleeting. Realize the Self. Purity of the heart is the gateway to God. Aspire. Renounce. Meditate. Be good; do good. Be kind; be compassionate. Inquire, know Thyself. ~~Sivananda

Safety first signals a priority on staying within your own game as opposed to going for the gold. Tried and true vs. going out on the gangplank. As if you only can choose one or the other = linear logic, no bricolage and one premise shy of a syllogism. Part of the discovery here is in the fine tuning catagory, life revisions extending the durations of time in the zone. Putting certainty into the 'doing it right' at this point favors taking low risk chances (fix what you can, write a check where you once maybe could but ladders are risky). Time makes these fixes tempting but we're both aligned in the 'get it fixed' philosophy rather than give in to temptation. I want to be doing this for decades.

January 6, 2006

If you can look back on your life with contentment, you have one of man's most precious gifts -- a selective memory. ~~Jim Fiebig

Get it right. Why is legacy so important to achievers? Is it reliousity in motion - do something good on Earth before you die? Or is it just a home pregnancy test moment where you keep asking, "what have I done? What have I Done?" There is no balance sheet required to hand in on the day of reckoning, one that shows that your life had meaning. You simply find that person who shares the collective soul, bring your lives together and the meaning of your life is answered every second. The prescriptions in life are a balance of those given to you by someone who knows you and knows the drug prescribed in balance with your belief in the soul messages that tell you convincingly that you can deal with the condition naturally by doing what the soul prescribes. It's not a dichotomy - it's a harmony, a convergence allowed by team chemistry and sometimes requires medicine, hopefully the right medicine prescribed by someone who knows you and knows the drug. But most of the time staying in sync with the collective soul takes care of everything. Physician heal thyself. Since commerce clutters the receptors, I provide the belief to infuse and that insists that I don't just get it, but I get it right. Pondering creates, baby and what we get out of it hinges on how well I do it. It doesn't always resonate with you if there's no jet on your back or reading this is dyslexic salad. Message to me: Do It Well

January 5, 2006

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~~Buddha

Everybody gets it. In some way, based on how they're wired and what works for them. Not everyone is looking for answers to the Big Question, or make that actively looking. Even the stone age guy figures out how to shelter from the storm. But getting your answer to the Big Question is really understanding where it's really at in life. When you find it, thanks to God, you can make a list of the Level 2 matters like health, air, debt avoidance, where to put the fingers and on and on. But finding your answer to the Big Q must be accomplished before you have enough stability to tackle the L2s. Living in love with her even when we're taking care of some L2 open issues is our gift from God. What have I sacrificed today? Nothing. Don't have to in order to stay in touch with God - the love does that, too. She walks with me and she talks with me....

January 4, 2006

Great talents are the most lovely and often the most dangerous fruits on the tree of humanity. They hang upon the most slender twigs that are easily snapped off. ~~Carl Gustav Jung

Candy Barr got digested today. 70. 'Bating in Bob's rec room using my Dad's projector - the shame! One of those memories that are erase-worthy but continue to stick around because we're not giving in to blank spaces until there's no ability to forestall it anymore. I wonder if the 90s will be able to playback in full 10 or twenty years from now - they sure were spectacular. And now that we're closing in on 2010, the first Y2K years were far and away the best opening to a century since Wilbor & Orville swung the door open in '02, nineteen that is. Maybe my friends the jets can get some kick in my heels today - gotta stop getting up before 3. I'm rejuvinating, baby

January 3, 2006

As I walk'd by myself, I talk'd to myself, And myself replied to me; And the questions myself then put to myself, With their answers I give to thee. ~~Bernard Barton

If dealing with the top of your game = knowing the current indicator is results, the results should become the gold that you're going for. Instead, it's that nuance just like the conductor's decisions that produce a different, new sound to you. It was impossible for me to get there until my freefall landed in her arms. They are results of sorts but not among the certain crowd's Best Of list. Now the new indicator is uncertainty. Moving in the direction guided by certainty seems to improve the visualization of quality (and original for you) results as long as the freefall is allowed to continue until the thoughts are laid out. Now visualization is the new indicator, as depicted above. The conductor gestures or speaks and symphony sounds vo·lup·tu·ous, then the hug that made the room spin sensuously, then now, where these words are coming from. Her selfless giving to me is that very place. Imagine being in life-reaffirming love with your muse; Imagine.

January 2, 2005

The obvious is that which is never seen until someone expresses it simply. ~~Kahlil Gibran

Maybe the metaphor to orgasms is too last century but the popping and feast for the eyes equates, at least, remotely to the delights. So watching them the next morning via video streaming makes it even better. Home by 8, 10 hours sleep and a lasting absorption of the fix furnished by the family promises another year of life in harmonic convergence. Tomorrow may be a better day to see into these meanings.

December 31, 2005

A man content to go to heaven alone will never go to heaven. ~~Boethius

The game of love, the purpose of a man is to love a woman, , the game of love. The game is when you have your first encounter (ususally referred to as "your first love") and the path that takes conditions you for subsequent encounters. The madness, euphoria, eroticism, heartbreak, cruelty, sacrifice, guilt, __________add here, all teach the rules and tricks of THAT game. When you finally look into her eyes and get some of the sensations but this time something more spiritual than emotional, then maybe, just maybe love no longer is a game to you and it becomes the life force all those romantics and philosophers have been trying to describe since the stone age. There is no fantasy that comes close to the certainties that describe all of the superlatives associated with living life truly, truly in love. This was another splendid year, solidifying all future expectations regardless of surprises. It ain't no game and it survives eternity. And I love her.

December 30, 2005

Fifty percent of people won't vote, and fifty percent don't read newspapers. I hope it's the same fifty percent. ~~Gore Vidal

Part of the awakening is flipping through the things which used to have meaning and are now considered aberrances. Like drinking beer on Saturday afternoons, watching football all weekend, _____________add favorite from the list. Of course, the solitude now would be an aberrance back then so it is a series of trading aberrances. But that just proves that aberrances are selected perception AND fully manageable. The bad shit (adultery, hallucinations, etc) are not aberrances - they're pathological and need attention. And while we're looking for things that are needed, I need to find where the strength comes from; knowledge that you cannot care about a responsibilty if you can distance yourself from it during it's most critical, important time, buckling up and flying right, ____________add your choice(s) here. Ultimately it's getting the clarity to know when I'm getting really good health protection after stopping the Welcome to my Phobia characterization.

December 29, 2005

The type that makes me laugh and cry and scream and double over and dance and walk and spit and live and die and give birth and think and stop and go and read and go comatose. ~~Lori Ann Felker

Never let me go is an anthem for the obvious but its meaning always expresses the permanence that we have. And the never-say-never crowd can learn something from watching this never. We are permanent by choice, by desire and by graduation from former traps. It's easy when both want to be in the same place - H E R E. There is no such thing as manager's disease but she knows that clearing out the clutter is part of regaining equilibrium and that's because of reality. My brief public today was free of contact into any aura associated with disorder, or simply 1) in 2) done 3) home. Here's where all the soul stuff lies, the better to envision you with, my darling.

December 28, 2005

This is a feminist bookstore. There is no humor section. ~~John Callahan

Doubling back from the melt-down, the box on the front seat goes back to Sammie and I flourish under the tutelage of her western bacon cheeseburger. The more she gets to try out her funny stuff in uniform, the farther away the balls get from the wall. There's no shame in being in a time warp with her when too much time and not enough time converge. We both want that same feeling so we both get that same feeling in motion and then we lose it over something like getting the reindeer names and forgetting Olive the other reindeer. \\fade-out the voice over the speaker at Carl's Jr.

December 27, 2005

Design is the method of putting form and content together ~~Paul Rand

Intrigued by the hypothesis (as opposed to hyperthesis..) that Breaking The Waves suggested: to understand love, you can't be delusional about the relevance of sex. Orthodox restrictions represent warnings that relaxed attitudes about sex have severe penalties. But relaxed attitudes confined to love are rewards that strengthen the love that feeds on it. The dangers that the orthos are trying to warn us about is for the stage where you feel sex=love, even when the sex is with someone you'd de-match with, for then the consequences can be harsh. But when pure love reigns, the sex warnings are better directed to those who haven't become believers yet. The non-sex moments this weekend were so numerous ranked at the highest level. Her breathlessness nimbly infused me like the balsamic in the carrot glaze. They are the moments I feel entirely certain that she does know how much I love her and how gratefully I savor her love for me and for us. The heightened anticipation of another date with her knowing the expectation is in the league with delusional, affirms the lucid counterpoint love gives to any is-love-crazy-good? moments. I understated the outcome - it dwarfed the Rio by its immediacy merged with near delusional ecstasies. I'm still full of those recurring moments and wonder if Jan's success in having his death wish overridden is a message that it can be the future without the devastation? She rings the bells here on Earth already.

December 26, 2005

Most creative work is a process of people passing ideas and inspirations from the past into the future and adding their own creativity along the way. ~Joichi Ito

In the midst of perfection is a voice seducing me to perpetuate these feelings. Saying these words here creates love notes bound with a ribbon and kept in a shoebox for posterity. The love is overpowering all other sensibilities, clearing the field for perfection to thrive, dust and all. What other way could bring this beautiful year of two thousand and five. To be loved this perfectly at this time is God's greatest gift.

December24, 2005

Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it. ~~Russell Baker

It's a happier place when you don't have to endure trying to convince her that seeing is believing is secondary to believing is seeing. Things are so much more apparent while converging your belief system with what you can see. It gives a multi-dimensional picture of events and expands to a range of fixes. Today is better because pain is lessened even though there's a technology melt-down going on at the same time. This time of the year finds a slew of non-emotional people acting emotionally because of the season. Operating on the same level all the time helps avoid these distracted people, almost entirely for me and a balanced quantity for her. These next three days will transcend Rio days and nites. Merry Christmas, baby

December 22, 2005

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. ~~Woody Allen

Ever wonder what the preparations that preceeded Preparation H were trying to cure? Was Preparation A going for hemorrhoids? I don't think so. Probably cancer or aids but by the time they got to H, they noticed the shrinkage in that extra tissue, and voila! War on 'Rhoids. That says something for the art of preparation. I spent too much valuable time (that's what I called time back then...) taking on preparing for things that covered up. Time now is nurturing events that mean everything. Time appreciating admiration from others, time with family, time for delivering All Zone All the Time - at the top of the list. When we're both totally engaged in doing what the Zone enhances, the result is breathless love (actually love when the breathing gets heavy). Laughter can be epidemic but mostly just the relaxation needed to ward off any fight-or-flight response. Passion is always present when loving her even when delivered with manageable loss of breath. Oh what sensation when the candle light seems to take forever to the point of extinguishment, but never quite goes out. The passion for that duration is exciting and cathartic, here's your kama..

December 21, 2005

I have to admit I was completely smitten when the guy who delivers my bottled water said, You have the face of an angel and the body of a goddess. ~~Karen McDougal

Catching the observations she throws my way, I take what's good about them, the parts about the impression I present to the person who knows me today better than anyone. It's easy to marginalize any as just style preferences but among them are very revealing observations she makes about me. I hate it when I resort to exaggerated catches, like she just threw a real hard ball to make her response after I return the throw, "thanks for getting my message". I get her messages sealed with a hug best. We both want the same thing - today love. Youthful vision minus the petulance and inanity, as played by our seasoned soul. Infusing the actualization in her, using love directly shipped in attractive packaging. The situation is busy in both directions as expressed in conversation.

December 20, 2005

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library? ~~Lily Tomlin

Running like Chester, the intrusion of mountains on the sky caught my prayer to please let it be something other than a mini-stroke. Self-analysis is good, to a point (there's that point again). The point can be distanced a little at a time to find the blend between mental and physical source of what's going on. Here's where you hope auto-infuse is accurate on the cerebellum aspect otherwise the convergence is at the mercy of the hand matching the brain for manual pouring. Running like Chester but doctoring like Marcus Welby.

December 19, 2005

Compassion is the antitoxin of the soul: where there is compassion even the most poisonous impulses remain relatively harmless. ~~Eric Hoffer

The toxic shock of failing in dreams might be from the fear of getting too good at doing today. The solitude is pressure free but full of longing as in today. Time with her is everything. Being here doing this is the call de jour. She is the call of night. So where's the fear? I don't feel it but it might be inside. Part of the call is safe and secure, which is right up there with fun-filled in must attributes for daily living. It's anxiety in sleep and angst-free day dreams to look through to get the convergence.

December 15, 2005

In 1951 After klatu baratta nicto
I was flagrante delicto
Then she was born
I was seven
~~ Will Harper

The hardest part of capturing the story is when does it begin? At the beginning. By staying in this life, it slights some from the former but it keeps the scope within the window of accurate recall. You can't thrive on yesterdays loves and ample slices from today's infusion keeps the moments of glory plentiful when she deSUVS and gets back to where the toes meet the arch. A money guy's equivalent is frolicking naked on columns of large figures representing net worth (no comparison is my guess). Pleasure is a convergence best apportioned in bountiful terms. Her representation makes the interlude filled out in tactile routines featuring prominence of those hands. The numbers fall short of that, alms lender.

December 15, 2005

God is a verb, not a noun. ~~R. Buckminster Fuller

Fast lane fallout finds relief in the off ramp. When the make money, get stuff period runs its course, so does any compulsion to keep searching for a better place. Fate can get you in the best place if you say where you are is the last place. That's something you say when your doubt is zero and your awareness is in the ionosphere about being chosen. Doing this makes more excitement than everything that preceded it because now is everything.

December 14, 2005

What's meant to be will always find a way. ~~Trisha Yearwood

Telling the story of overtaking the curse and winning the jackpot makes all other stories just another beer fart. The realization of the trauma others persevere has to sooner or later ask why you are so lucky, why when you thought your fate was to have been passed over, it turns out to win, succeed, acclaim, and best of all - face your destiny and realize she wants you as much as you want her. The rest of life is with her, to experience all in harmony with someone who counts on you and can be counted on to have the same aim on the day. The gratitude is pacific and terrific and unrelated to guilt having a meant-to-be directive while pleasuring the soul. The team of two does festive like only they can do - inside the gates.

December 13, 2005

A face is like the outside of a house, and most faces, like most houses, give us an idea of what we can expect to find inside. ~~Loretta Young

Everytime we fewk up, it is a form of incompetence (range of motion limitation=cause of fewk up). That means just the task showed incompetence, not the entire range of motion capability. This makes it easier to really find fixes that fit the task AND are harmonious with the soul. These are fixes to get back to competency in the matters that you'd die for (just her):
1 - operate as the team of two
2- no surprise fixes - share everything
3- remember that the goal is to live forever
4- always keep these four fixes in top working order, baby.
It's not the craziness outside the gates that matter, it's keeping it right where it is this second. We talked and the moment confirmed forever. Tuesday the 13th.

Diligence is the mother of good luck. ~~Benjamin Franklin

Avoidance infused with dilligence is the number one answer to "how do you take what the day gives?". By itself, avoidance of things like debt, inane pop culture, spectator sports, just to name a few, only covers the NOT to-dos. The determination to follow the beauty adds the necessary MUSTS to guide the heading offered by the day. There is a certain solitary aspect which suggests ascetics and the unabomber may be role models here but the opposite is true. Skimming above the crap is a prerequisite for understanding the signs flowering the daylight. Diverting from the traps is a big piece of avoidance and the single purpose of living forever with her is our perpetual motion cell. Let's never change a single note.

December 9, 2005

Both young children and old people have a lot of time on their hands. That's probably why they get along so well. ~~Jonathan Carroll

Keeping the serenity level high with no affectations. The imput is purified somewhat by the mutual acceptance of compatibility, no dog dirt admitted. Variation on the look towards the beauty instruction but with emphasis on laughter. Making the deal to stick around forever has an inner quality about variegated texture that is titanium strong, kevlar protective and fully bypassing On Passing for as long as we've got.

December 7, 2005

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship. ~~Buddha

The caption for In the Moments is Action is Engagement - it you're not out on the dancefloor, life's passing you by. But that overlooks the power of the Stand By - a fully engaged receptor. More is not always better, just when it's more time together with her, then it's always irrelevant as to action. Inaction is sometimes required to see the beats between the notes and hear the colors. What were they doing there? We were here doing life on the set of Life with Shirley. It feels better than I Wish I May and there is no finer canvas to adorn. The fresco of imagination meets Little Miss Manners.

December 6, 2005

I tend to think of these things as a continuum with clusters of characteristics which correspond to various typical forms. ~~Celia Green

Even though only today counts exclusively, today follows this series of captured thoughts and has no obvious clutter to be put out to dry. That comes from avoiding the "what-have-you-done-for-me-in-the-last-5-mi nutes" implosion, by assigning a partial/complete positive on everything that preceeded it. The heart of it is the catapult of all events of the past 10 years and the featured connection of souls these past 10 days. Stellar effusions of the best there is when it comes to people qualities, all right in the center of your life. All thanks to the perspective that calm comes from all things in the cosmos especially those responsible for full time favorable conditions. The strength from the favorables comes from her celestial healing gift as the front line defense against toxicity. The beaten up feeling is fading, a little at a time, relaced with aural-astroglow or, in other words, the smile of contentment.

December 5, 2005

Advertising is an environmental striptease for a world of abundance. ~~Marshall McLuhan

Mastige just knocked metrosexual off the top, describing bling (or other prestige crap) for the masses. Like Biagi beads or Movado watches, things that bring a smile to the inclined are touted heavily. But the best things in life are not things, says I, so all the Christmas packaged enticements miss their mark here. Sounds cold but it just affirms the way love eliminates the craving for toys and other mastige luxuries. We're on a one way ride to forever and the backrest feels just fine.

December 4, 2005

O body swayed to music, o brightening glance, how can we know the dancer from the dance?~~William Butler Yeats

When there's perfect loving pitch in both ears, it's easy to saddle up to today's promise. Where the deeds outshine the words is the place we settle into not far from the shadows. Who divined this unwrapped frattoir to syncopate our rhythms? Why, the same force that brings our world all the selections from the cosmic entrees to absorb into the ritual. Gathering paths of persuasion used to be futile and now makes the answer to What? perpetual.

December 3, 2005

Despite crime's omnipresence, things work in society, because biology compels it. Order eventually restores itself, by psychic equilibrium. ~~Camille Paglia

I get glances of fingers on necks

Unclutched and soothing where the veinal logjams stretch

Intensified in just the right places

She turns and says I'm yours

Right when I'm about to roll over

Starlight glows all the time

Nuclear neon signs read out words that comfort

Travel in the calm channel is restorative

Harmony in the key of upbeat

Attenuates then surges

Fingertips that do necks also do pillars

Draped around you with toes on your arches

Holding your curves free falling

Roll that dream sequence

Jitterbug on the clouds

In my arms forever

December 1, 2005

A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on. ~~Fred Allen

Paradise has no waiting line. The time is sweetened by the reward of keeping the ones who you love near you even when there are mountains between you and them. Who ever came up with long distance love not working didn't mean to apply that to family love. Keeping the nearness by finessing your best glaze during the year make the moments when you are next to each other reverberate. You have to give up things to get the things you want, so knowing what you really want lets you give up things that can be emulated, like miles of distance, while you bask in paradise. The friends who laugh with you over coffee let you share their hearts with you if you let them. That helps blur the line that distinguishes them from family. The love within you eventually seeps out no matter what, so bathe in it. Raise a toast to the exuberance of doing all the best things together to share. Sip tea and feature it in conversation.

So why did I get that horrible call-in to work Dream ( N I G H T M A R E ) to report being off duty ??

End of November 2005

The home should be the treasure chest of living. ~~Le Corbusier

Hallelujah, healed miraculously. Must have been a wake-up call for changing the workout routine, or maybe I just embellished the pain too much. Hold the phone - it came back last night, something's fewked up in the lumbar region, damn. No matter, we'll roll through the week and if it still flairs up, I'll get zapped and rubbed 'til it's fixed. Beautiful interludes with her already and stars on the ceiling this morning. This may be the last slice for a while (or maybe one more ...)

November 24, 2005

Can heavenly breasts such stormy passions feel? ~~Virgil

It's a thankless throng out there rounding up essentials for Thursday. Some emotions flowed in anticipating Daddy's Little Girl, so I laid it out as Finding rooms for those emotions enriches the time remaining - a veiled offer to send it here. If horse/chris came from day of nausea and woozies, today must be found-where-pain-is-tolerable, Cloris. Bent the effen frame real good. Range of motion reduced by 15 - 20 %. Fixed hip position on the floor with left leg resting on sofa forces me to stay here on the floor, clicking the effen keyboard except when grazing. So I just hobbled around to get stomach filled enough to do 2 more ibu's. I should just post this but there's more. Getting REAL GOOD at operating at the superior level entertaining myself falls second to the number one reason for it - it never comes close to level obtained when it's just the two of us encased in the zone. Maybe I know better than getting so good with engaging the invisible that being a kook becomes "nice guy but that mental impairment...." like where you're delusional talking to people who aren't there. Mine aren't verbal conversations but just noticeable one way thoughts from me and a feeling in return. We'll be all zone for the next week now that I found sometime for her to do until Sunday - nurse me back to mobility. I may have inadvertently picked just the right time to get dinged.

November 22, 2005

You will become as small as your controlling desire; as great as your dominant aspiration. ~~James Allen

This place is the Rosemary's of hope. What do you need hope for when you're luxuriating in paradise? Hope is like faith, you start with God and discover you need faith to believe and understand all things invisible. And after you've received more than you've ever hoped for, you need hope to keep dreams from becoming irrelevant. Neither are expressed as the desperation of the past and neither can be dismissed as just signs of ignorance. So where does that leave charity from the Kingdom Trio? It has to be globally accepted to make change possible, sandwiches for hobos were done for goodness sake. There are guys like me who hooked in with the needy because religion preaching charity has made it a full time job for us. What do you do? Oh, I prey, I mean P-R-aY. Take care of your own. Think I'll do some hoping today.

November 21, 2005

He does it with better grace, but I do it more natural. ~~William Shakespeare

The more you have to conserve, the more conservative you get. That was spoken as a money thing but it's so right for protecting against harm or loss of zone time with her. But being liberal, as in serving oversized portions of edibles because they're made with love, reassures that even these intangibles are relative regarding labels (vs. absolute). Somewhere in all these ideas is a version of my legacy, dedicated to her, targeted to love practitioners everywhere. I'm OK with lists but tread softly when it comes to commands, preferring to describe my revelations as they continue self-translating. That one aspect assures me of my need to continue this solidification of my recall when referencing this with showing her why it is influencing us. Those are the two indicators: self-reinforcing and zone perpetuating.

November 19, 2005

All you hear Catholics turning out these days are pop versions of the old Protestant anthems.

~~Richard Morris

Take to the sidewalk, stretch legs, eat finer at the diner and walk home with bread. Probably not the standard forerunner for festivus but much bigger than these flaccid words free up. Too many sweatless days make long walks essential and too few rotations make the distance seem more than actual.

November 18, 2005

I see slip to the curb the long machines, Out of whose warm and windowed rooms pirouette, Shellacked with silk and light, The hard legs of our women. ~~Karl Shapiro

The taste of cinnamon ice cream prevails after leaving the $424k model home that makes us want to kiss the welcome mat here. Coffee by the jets this morning guaranteed success would follow and it has. The path eventually ends up here and together we find the gift of the day before the moonbeams add the closing credits. Excitement sometimes is cinnamon flavored.

November 17, 2005

Editing Hemingway was like wrestling with a god. ~~Tom Jenks

Corporate project warriors learn survival skills and being on a team where the leader is abhored teaches being a pleaser is the best match for a despot. Not just with the top but with everyone who can make their hatred of the boss a huge anchor for you. Reasonably good people won't praise you a drop if they think there is a even a chance the hatchet you work for may benefit from it. Even a remote chance. Plus the slurs aimed at you behind doors demand a great strategy for keeping your head high right 'til the finish. No showdown. Arbitration? Everyday routine of pre-kickoff reassurance: Pace. Secure. Acceptance. Adaptation. Endure.

November 16, 2005

Wine is the drink of the gods, milk the drink of babes, tea the drink of women, and water the drink of beasts. ~~John Stuart Blackie

Another back on the horse, Chris morning. The magic of tea and full contact nurturing enabled expulsion of the toxins and just the remnants of wobblies remain. Today's theme of baby steps is defined by the Wal-Mart America sweat shirt and slightly droopy eyelids. Last night's sleep was the Katrina of wet T's so full restoration is only hours away. The too-good-to-be-true from yesterday is whispering in my ear and I am certain that I can't convey to her how magnificent she is. I'll look back here and recount the intensity which is unique to today, and wonder why I just didn't do whatever it is that shows it is true. Maybe small personal gifts would say it in a different way. Down time is shit, Viva Recovery.

A mistress never is nor can be a friend. While you agree, you are lovers; and when it is over, anything but friends. ~~Lord Byron

Sympatico, convergence's first cousin, must be at work today 'cause my parasympathetics are picking up her stomach turning. Maybe my desire to take some of her pains is working (or I ate too many Meadow Gold's yesterday). No matter, some cranberry tea is warming the Pepto right now and I know she's enduring the unpleasantness from a titanium strength personal best big girl posture. I think she gets "too good to be true" label from pickers who can't see past the pockets. I read all this and it sounds level and obvious knowing others would see love blindness in action. Yes, there's some of that but she really is such a magnificent combination of good things that it requires someone like me to see it all together, while doing my best to keep from getting overwhelmed by the reality that's it's all true. I won the jackpot that doesn't require me to hold an oversized check on TV but is worth so much more than seven figures in the bank. She trusts me enough to let her strength go away when I'm hoeding her, saving that strength where it's being used for a brief spell , then it's all power all the time for us. For the moment, she's here within me and the flutter is more dominant than the turning.

November 14, 2004

All paid jobs absorb and degrade the mind. ~~Aristotle

The pause that vitalizes is less probable in places where you serve so many. The distractions outnumber the amount you can filter at a time and refreshed too often to make a list. It florishes well where you engage her in whatever place she wants to be. Her choices are solid enough to generate confidence that she's OK with her choices. It also florishes when I can look way past the fronds and take in the wealth of the universe which responds to our wants. Our connection is most assuredly the most all encompassing than it's ever been. Always talking through the truth with the truth has us doing that synchronicity thing at will. The Touch-O-Meter gives readings on us that are beyond its scale. Deepak's producer would be flashing a sign to us "yo, get a room".

It is important to do what you don't know how to do. It is important to see your skills as keeping you from learning what is deepest and most mysterious. If you know how to focus, unfocus. If your tendency is to make sense out of chaos, start chaos. ~~Carlos Casteneda

Oh, to begin the story with a declarative that it is non-linear and aiming for pure potentiality. Each of these slices are the circulation of the energies and messages coming through our soul. Dogs and chickens are unable to tell stories, but we can. Today's is about living forever. The sustain pedal on a piano moves the damping mechanism away from the strings allowing full duration. There is no sustain pedal on a pipe organ so your legatos have to be done with your fingers. And we know all about the need for adding sustain to our planet which will be crawling with 9 billion of us by 2050. But the real triumph and break through in sustaining comes when your life adds the love you've been searching all your days and nights. Where was this simple but elusive mantra when sleepless nights and thoughts of dying hoarded the best parts of my creative mind? She's my humanity and my hero - what a concept...marry your hero.

November 12, 2005

In art, the hand can never execute anything higher than the heart can imagine. ~~Ralph Waldo Emerson

One hen. Two ducks. Three squawking geese . Four limerick oysters. Five golden rings. Six pairs of Don Alverzo's favorite tweezers. Seven thousand Macedonians in full battle array. Eight brass monkeys from the ancient, sacred, secret crypts of Egypt. Nine apathetic, sympathetic diabetic old men on roller skates with a marked propensity towards procrastination and sloth. Ten spherical, lyrical diabolical demons of the deep who consistently quiver on the quarry of the key constantly. Jerry Lewis once did this with Ed McMahon on his live show back in the early 60s. I remembered more than half of it because I can still access junk stored for no explainable reason in my memory. I revere my recall and will be sad when it degrades but for now, it plagues the stillness of the nights by featuring tangential characters from my former life in truly stupid dreams. She has wild dreams, too but they include her sibs and parents - a trade I'd make in a heartbeat. Meantime, I give thanks for the sleep that forestalls the decline. The left over endorphins from yesterday make the rendezvous by the jets later today mighty promising. Holiday season is here.

November 10, 2005

Nothing is more noble, nothing more venerable than fidelity. Faithfulness and truth are the most sacred excellences and endowments of the human mind. ~~Marcus Tullius Cicero

The ethos of wandering versus the long stay in dreamland. It's gathering the surges from the new and undiscovered convergences and trying to even remember the good parts of straying, if there were any real good parts. The good part about today's good parts is they are today. The freshness of today's exchange remains at the top of the list of things that make your eyes beam. Know It means knowing what you really want, like when the pacifier no longer fills the nipple-want. You say the sucky makes you happy but it's really the nipple that you want. Happiness is easier to get when you have what you really want than just getting things that make you happy hoping to find what you really want. So start off each day Knowing It. Then lavish yourself in it. No N words - say it all, everything, knowing you avoid being conflicted when you can say what you really want to say and you can say anything......anything in dreamland, in the zone, those moments when your fingertips need to touch and when she's listening and not rolling eyes a la her sis-in-law. It circumvents contradiction which works better in other places than here. The place itself encourages venting. I'm just there to maximize the output. which in itelf is the perfect container for the effusive feelings released.

November 9, 2005

The Child is the father of the Man. ~~William Wordsworth

I am taking the 9th - No, not like taking the 5th on the wittness stand, but with her as the wittness, I'm invoking the "except when would do harm" clause in the 9th command from the ladder called 12 steps to sobriety program. My amends for the offenses go to the obvious in former life, but then what? Showing remorse is down the list of conversations with the soul. Exuberance of the day is more like the message the soul is saying, not re-living yesterday. Earl may be doing the 9th but I'm on the one step program sharing the soul with her. We are the foreground music, background sounds optional. That's why there are no bases for marching to sobriety when you're impairment free, so stay pairmented. And there's no grieving about former life aberrances, so the truth is I used the 9th as a metaphor for Beethoven's 9th, which often themes the soul massages (that and its ilka chase). The image to accompany the theme is her in her pink sweater girl revealer this morning, Finah than carolinah.

November 8, 2005

You may never get to touch the Master, but you can tickle his creatures. ~~Thomas Pynchon

Getting to the crackdown requires getting a handle on the concept. It means getting past the notion crackdown is the opposite of crack-up as in "Confucius say woman standing on head has crack-up". Crackdown is a term of suppression, as in knowing when to keep the thought inside until it can get full treatment or as much as needed. If I rely too much on real-time monitoring, I annoy (falsetto singing of TV themes, blah-blah China, etc.) before I catch myself sometimes. It needs early detection so that transition from the black hole in the synapse fires on time before annoyance sets in. The need to determine the boundry is one of those shit removal projects but just as necessary. Messin' around with boundries is self-reliant on tension. It gets bounced around before entering the next channel and that can be tense out of necessity. This is another of those in-the-womb originations and carries us through all the levels in life. Mothers know that this tension is in the interest of protecting their offspring and instinctively are wary about tension-relieving prophets influencing the flock. It's a pleaser's destiny to face the wrath of skeptics for breaking the tension cycle but not so much the required tension. OK to chill if the big stuff's taken care of.

November 7, 2005

I never yet heard man or woman much abused that I was not inclined to think the better of them, and to transfer the suspicion or dislike to the one who found pleasure in pointing out the defects of another. ~~Jane Porter

One man's cathexis is another's broken replay. The best thing about libidinal hiatus is the fuel it transfers to the out of body placement of these revelations. They're here for me to add even more fuel. What we're now doing is to do each other's dreams via the groupwise we use - one soul transmitting to each of us. I'm still on dreams because I doing her dreams is new to me and the closest she's revealed from her doing my dreams are frontal lobe suggestions. But she knew what I meant about what we're committing to these oncoming weekends and that came straight from the soul. It usually leads to questioning whether the energy's coming from or to my fingertips. The sensation from overflowing palms is probably right from the womb - it's too instinctive and pleasure-sustainable to come from the temporal lobe alone. There are memories but the actual enactment (speach, action and gesture) produces sensations so-o sweet that the libidinal fuel is optional. Darken room light then feast on the the tips that make fingers just a stand-in for the real star - what the soul told me in the womb.

November 6, 2005

Revenge is often like biting a dog because the dog bit you. ~~Austin O'Malle

Bloodless coup in my reverie last night - the inevitable slam only took 11 years and mercifully I awoke before I got to pillow him. The pot connection dream that preceded it leaves me with the obvious message that the cost of toking would be getting thrashed by the predecessor. Long live lucidity. Maybe one indie flick too many, stupid Vince Gallo megalomanic fluffer,(but love won out, so...). This day needs the kind of uplift only romance can provide and the steamy haze around the morning coffee was a suitable start. I need the remnants of the apoplexy I experienced at 3:10AM to turn into comedy fodder. Something like the old guy in the hospital wearing an oxgen mask, mumbling "are my testicles black?" to get the nurse to lift them and tell him "they're fine" at which time he removes the mask and says "that was nice, but are my test results back?"

November 4, 2005

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. ~~Steven Wright

Does anything make a clearer, more melodic tone than the ringing of the family bell? Even as the red carpet is being adjusted, the sound of the second wave is like Yo-Yo Ma ripping Bach's Suite in G Major Prelude, only more frenetic. The payoff is she's as excited as I am about the possibility and will be there in full splendor if we get the call that it's on. Namo Myoho Renge Kyo Namo Myoho Renge Kyo... the lives of those whom we love are as entwined with our soul as much as the pure love which illuminates the way fashionably while furtively making the realization a mystery to only the self-absorbed.

November 3, 2005

It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back. ~~Mick Jagger

The past tense of perfection is paragon and two in a row under the stars is pushing paragon. If releasing the emotions stirred by finding this life causes envy, then the truth that these words are from me just for me is affirmed. How many of us (the charmed) still think you have to get acknowledgement by others for the things that make the most sense to us? The truth takes you on a path that guarantees you won't be on the news as a liar and even better, you discover things that conflate your genes and maybe inflate your jeans, too. There really is a point in your life when you really believe there's no time to waste on diversions from the truth. This is all in the name of riding where the truth takes you. The following capacities have been met: love, affection, comfort, the challenge, faith, belief and impairment (all but impairment are still in progress). The prime directive continues to be taking the creations with you by spotting the trail like little red marbles to guide you back without losing your place. Good truths are too hard to waste by getting only ONE O from them.

November 2, 2005

Ideas are refined and multiplied in the commerce of minds. In their splendor, images effect a very simple communion of souls. ~~Gaston Bachelard

The notion that two people can share one soul sounds supernatural even as I say it. But yesterday, the words were barely posted here and she called to say "fire up the 'cuzz tonite" as if I'm sending my own signals thru her. I was humbled. The connection keeps strengthening and our pledge to eliminate the fear is on top of the chart. I had the test at school dream last night which is the poster for stress. I'm so stress-free that it MUST be more than that, plus I was making a mongoose sandwich later on in the dream. The mongoose kills rats, lizards and most famously, cobras. That suggests to me the caduceus, the symbol of medicine and the mythological companion to Hermes who is the Spirit of Crossing Over. My transcendence is ever continuing but is forever bound to her in our sojourn on this planet until we get to our afterlife. My worth keeps appreciating as I express appreciation for being chosen for this. We're sitting on top of the world.

November 1, 2005

Every human being has, like Socrates, an attendant spirit; and wise are they who obey its signals. If it does not always tell us what to do, it always cautions us what not to do. ~~Lydia M. Child

Making sense of the signals seems to be getting easier. Even just talking about jealosy was a signal that the quest for truth is alive and finding mutual movements to expand on truth is huge. The hold on the letter seemed at first to be an overlap of the influence during her day (lots of micromanagement of minutiae thrown at her, different from before when it was overexposure to contradiction and contrarianism) but backing away from asking it to be written is a signal we're both operating on the same signals. The bigger influence on her during the day is from homies and supers who have her best interest as theirs and that's comforting. Now, the signal I'm looking for is that first 'cuzz in the darkness after a balls against the wall day.

October 31, 2005

The only Zen you can find on the tops of mountains is the Zen you bring up there. ~~Robert M. Pirsig

Rx for reality: More more more of the same. I woke up not right last night. Not nervous like after THE dream, but actually thinking there's something wrong with me. I thought about today's roof arrangement but it wasn't that. I thought about her disgust with the other and was fixed on keeping it in her strong box. Then, she rolled over and caressed without waking up and by 9 this morning I was working out and by noon, she was on even keel and I have to make her aware of how she brings me around by her softness and affection. The rest of today is just skating, happy for the fixes and ready for the first of the season to greet her in the dark. Overflowing cup, what a blessing.

October 30, 2005

Art is pattern informed by sensibility. ~~Herbert Read

The daily transformations felt on this love train transcend shamanic. Forget about planetary harmonic convergence, when we click after clicking goblets, there's nothing to compare the ch-ch-changes we go through as the conversation unwinds the thoughts we need to bring out. Yesterday the mystery of where the jealousy is rooted was revealed, much like the revelations I set free after going back and discovering what's here. The Toonerville trolley, haircuts with Dad and route retracing to my first job came to me yesterday morning listening to Beltway blarney on NPR (yes, I go here when the political predictions, world events and other blah-blah-blahs get ponderous). Everything means something, so let's stick with the things that heighten our convergence.

October 28, 2005

When you can't remember why you're hurt, that's when you're healed. ~~Jane Fonda

They, the they who claim 42.7 % of all statistics are made up on the spot and that all generalizations are false including this one, they say romantic love is a form of brain damage. They say love = infatuation = lust. They say that all healthy relationships include arguments and that temporary disrespect is a fact of life as long as it's temporary. Sorry, they... that's capitulation, man. My theory is you have to grow to a certain level of understanding to realize love should never be stained but will remain pure only when there's NO disrespect, none. Trouble is by the time we're smart enough to get that, too many disses have already splattered the realm. So for the believers in repentance/contrition, bless you. If the contained behavior is enough to clean your slate, you are lucky. This miscreant couldn't cast off the bag of rocks, no how but finding her made me a former miscreant and can't let a day go by without saying thanks for the second chance - the REAL second chance.

October 27, 2005

The moment you have in your heart this extraordinary thing called love and feel the depth, the delight, the ecstasy of it, you will discover that for you the world is transformed. ~~Jiddu Krishnamurti

The story goes like this: Highly paid rat race professional hangs it up and moves to the country where he tends to an herbal garden, takes nature walks and lives reclusively with____________ (fill in blank). The money crowd thinks he's nuts for running away from a coveted paycheck and the stressed out crowd labels him a hero. One of my former buds said I will either be enshrined as a prick or a hero of the trapped for my foray into rebirth. Doesn't matter, neither one changes the outcome or hasn't yet. If it's courage that gives you the power to move on or maybe cowardice that enables you to run away from your problems and the people you hovered around, take your pick. I'm going with neither since the force that made it happen was overpowering, making the only what-if a question if she felt it as strongly as I did (yes, yea!). Even with a family milestone (and minor celebrations) that have me engaged virtually, I am so grateful everyday to have found her and have this time loving her.

October 26, 2005

Grace has been defined as the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul. ~~William Hazlitt

Balance...hangin' on...letting go....when to hold 'em....when to fold 'em. The binness part likes to be the test here. We already found out that nothing about the enterprise can break us. The worst moments in '99 and Y2K showed how far we can stretch, tear then regenerate. So a rain-stained ceiling doesn't stand a chance of being the make-or-break test. The hard part for me, and probably for anyone in even a just normal love bond is when to give in and when to stand. My hesitation is tinged with knowing that when her common sense prevails, she's 10 times better than I am at assessing situations. When she's gagging on a gnat or just scared, my confidence in her take is not so much. The extremes are 1) Know-It-All and 2)Helpless. I want to add to her strength to get us somewhere in between the extremes without being one of those harmful enablers. There's never any trust issue with her so I go with her take regardless of the hesitation in my mind. Therefor, binness - I declare that you are simply a burning candle in the boudoir of this beautiful world.

October 25, 2005

I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free. ~~Michelangelo

Transmogrification or Transubstantiation - I get them mixed up all the time

Branch managers like thickness more than color (the leaves are meaningless if the bough breaks while on it). Another reason I never managed was deafness to straighten up and fly right pleas. Getting through it is the hardest part of getting to it, but once there, the magic of love kicks in to eliminate the incline. Since the meaning of life is staying alive, the love reigns as the reason to live forever, in case the hard part gets too much to bear. Like when you can't get away from the craptacular and you're ripe for affection. They will come as answers that become defaults, not rules. They scintillate to guide the way.

October 24, 2005

From the cradle to the coffin underwear comes first. ~~Bertold Brecht

The character of Miles Raymond (Sideways) keeps coming up in the thoughts. When he heard from Maya that it didn't matter if his book ever got published, that it's good and the quality is enough reason to keep writing, I hope he knew that it was the truth. I realized a while ago that if I didn't take my ideas to conclusion, I'd forget what I realized in image and in word, hence all this. Earlier I empathized with feeling like a loser, remembering how it felt being one and how much better it is being bombarded with love. Today I'm sympathizng all who are being told how they should feel by and from people who should know better but they do not. Making your decision based on what you are told to decide is soulless until you decide because you really believe it. But most of our beliefs come to us from others starting with our mothers who teach us how to nurture, leaving us with the belief that you can live your everydays being loved that way and more. See? The belief in love simplifies all decisions by applying it to anticipated outcome (and the worst) and going with what works best for love. No coin flip here. When you take the chance on love, better be the right one. Remain loveable; forestall the decline.

October 23, 2005

Love is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity. ~~Helen Hayes

Were the trains I was blowing up in last night's dream a sign that my enduring battle with being unable to get home in that recurring nightmare is maybe behind me? Now if that on-the-job repeater gets blown up, too, I'm REALLY lucky. I can still taste the artichokes in breakfast's fritatta and the serenity level is high (sorry, Miles, not merely quaffable, but uh... way better than transcendent). The printed recap of these offerings are noticeably tickling her sensibilities and I sense even higher understanding in the making. Memories of my comparable feelings in the past of being "a thumb print on the window of a skyscraper" remind me how damaged I was and how healed she's made me. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity says Mr. Gibran and I am the caretaker of our soul.

October 22, 2005

Persistence pays and so does a willingness to follow directions. ~~Lynn Abbey

, the concentration focused on forestalling the decline in either of them is an all out assault on the surplus of splendor. I mean NO time wasted on the proven traps (pop culture, consumerizing, punditry, sports, impairment and so many more) allows the primary to be able to create, comprehend, purify and release then satiate. When it works for the two of us, it affirms the direction we're venturing in by allowing the continued fascination we have for each other to persist. It's all about the high value we place on the fully engaged moments.

October 20,2005

Husbands are awkward things to deal with; even keeping them in hot water will not make them tender. ~~Mary Buckley

Forestall the decline then play to your strengths using conviction as your horsepower and love as your fuel. Simply, eat healthier and maintain by working out, make the largest infusion of the day tenderly spent taking in messages of comfort and closure to issues (soul signals), then unleash the passion and affection when she appears. The decline is inevitable - but to just invite it in is wrong. The excitement of fully engaged interplay, focused not on restitution but right on the tingle from meditating on her while she broadcasts her joy from loving me. It's active and passive all at once.

See through the withered branches

Cough out the powdered pollen of pout

Taste the crown of creation

Center inside the glow where there is no rude

Breathe

October 19, 2005

By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property. ~~Voltaire

Where somebody waits for me, sugar's sweet, so is she....is that any way to start a love rapture? Is there any other way as sweet? I keep hearing some words from the past "you can't recreate what you never had" and the fallout was inevitable. What wasn't a sure bet was that there ever would be somebody who waits for me who is beyond any daydreams I ever had. I never intended for this to become a mystery to her, so I just came up with another remediation: I'll go back a month and summarize the words to encapsulate the thinking and make a menu for her pick to expand on the thoughts. Too much understanding is represented here to have her possibly miss some of the benefit.

October 18, 2005

On my velvet couch reclining, Ivy leaves my brow entwining, While my soul expands with glee, What are kings and crowns to me? ~~Thomas Moore

The tone of the piece was women should train their men using dog training tactics (reward & punishment). I always liked the reward part, the punishment not so much. So if not that, what? Aligning the defaults for two who share one soul, for starters. That includes finding a counter to every annoyance that works for two, requiring the counter to come from the soul. Getting the act of discerning flyshit from the pepper and a mind appearing as oblivious because of way elevated thoughts - getting them to be covered by a default is no simple counter. But once we're both into the same soulful wavelength such as the thunder and sound of rain thumping on the surfaces the happiness and sweetness prevails. Success over there in the workplace can't be controlled from here, but having her in her best frame of mind when she's there gives her more control and that's where the control in needed - there. Today's Raymond moment is brought to you via Rusty Trombone. Last meltdown was same time in September, ergo PMS. Ergo ergo, my funk was the sympathy pain. New To-Do: Find another name rather than meltdown since it's a phenomenon brought on by body chemistry that's inbred into her DNA, not remotely resembling a mental lapse for lapse' sake. My funk has been long gone, replaced with rhythmic romps into Man's brilliance.

October 17, 2005

I think that Vaseline .. a sort of lubricant...that... moisten that landscape and make it internal... the mucous that binds things. ~~Matthew Barney

OK - the remediation for the minor meltdown was to accept contributory negligence, which we now are aware is tortly fading probably because it bars recovery. Since neither of us can respond other than damages, smamages, it's a G O O D remediation. Back on the horsie, Chris. The release this gives me is one of those that's become the cliche of modern times. But I mention it anyway because the ride is what often travels on unbound awe and that's cherry. The part of the brain I used to waste on obsessing on strange is now all trippy about loving her, with only occasional nibbles of frittering away a weekend. The return to this assures me the proportions are closer to perfection than to dud. She's back on the horsie and so am I.

October 16, 2005

There is a time for work and a time for love. That leaves no other time. ~~Coco Channel

Admiration and gratitude are like: Respect and Appreciation which are like: Love and Adoration. The gist of this is finding the mix of a routine that blends them with the to-dos so that they all get the right attention. Getting sidetracked by a minor meltdown makes the blend even more primary. The zone excludes all time wasted on not being liked, worrying about not being liked and projecting how many not-being-liked times are in our future. I'm banking on the root cause being office related but the thought that there are more meltdowns after the office is history does affect today. My rap is I take them too seriously so I'll go with that and move on towards the pure joy of the continuum blessed with erotic pandemonium.

October 14, 2005

When religion has reached the point that man makes up its content, then the climax of this opposition has been reached. ~~Bruno Bauer

Put your sweet lips a little closer to the phone.... Getting a mahnback during crescendo time just played again and how sweet the feeling IS knowing she's finishing the week with a JBF look all day, I bet. The wrap parties for the crew have been handed off to the lifers there and she has me wondering if she's aware of the relief in the form of that's got me all 'dorphed today. I'll get the answer tonight. The filtering provided during this morning's ride, ellipse and crunch discarded sports games, volunteer caregiving and all counters to the love the one I'm with reward called Our Life. Free again for this, some Joe, some texture, some cloud interpretations and of course, alot of lost in her.

October 13, 2005

The best scientist is open to experience and begins with romance - the idea that anything is possible. ~~Ray Bradbury

Don't be enamored with the contradictions. Part of self-analysis that teaches you to apply to yourself those things that bother you about others becomes a habit. Habitually, you begin to discover your contradictions, but because it is a lifeline project, it certifiably needs balance by switching to accent the positive whenever possible. Thus, we're faced again with the Positive = spin = denial hypothesis (remediating the negative at your best time when you're fully engaged in fixing addresses the denial claim). She's revealing so much more balance ever since we deja-vued our vows to deal with the real and truth in coversation. Distinct absence of eggshells and yesterday's bout with disappointment that I may have triggered her anxiety was doused by her mid-morning up beat recovery. Maybe it was just my recovery. The night included serious tactile and an early morning pole vault.

October 12, 2005

A woman uses her intelligence to find reasons to support her intuition. ~~Gilbert K. Chesterton

Hanging on and letting go keeps reminding how much attention is needed to keep the balance from contracting. The feelgoods about today's balance are pretty high. She 's balancing kick-start now vs. any other alternative. She feels left out from reading these words but I still wince when I picture her pissyness because of one word. The good from me just putting down what I'm thinking then summarizing in conversation seems the better choice right now. But I can let go of that if I believed she gets better insight from perusing the day's package in person.

October 11, 2005

One of the greatest necessities in America is to discover creative solitude. ~~Carl Sandburg

It might all start when the lightbulb comes on that the secret of life is stayin' alive. The lucky ones learn that the bulletproof myth is life threatening. So once stayin' alive becomes the mission, doing what's necessary becomes primary and the rest of the time can be spent doing enriching experiences, the ones the soul is so good at identifying. They're heavily skewed towards the self quadrant (everything can be fitted into a quartile, just ask the developer of business metrics). But that's a positive gyro as long as the entire matrix is overlayed onto her (she's the prime in EVERY quadrant). Intimacy keeps getting the highest score time after time, thank you, O Great Spirit. Minimizing pain ranks way up there, too. I would so totally absorb her pain if it would free it from her. I'm not as adept as she is about enduring painful times but I'd get good at it if it would divert it from her.

October 10, 2005

Most plain girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise. ~~Maya Angelou

The voice in your head is an observer. Getting suggestions from someone paying attention can lead to some fairly extraordinary events. If you can come to some acceptable answer to why? the suggestion may get you in touch with the real deal. My only caution so far is to always remember the observer isn't really someone out there watching you, if you keep acting like that you get too geeked to prolong the surges. Sometimes the voice has to be answered STFU. But when the clutter is cleared enough to make the observer someone not only paying attention to you, but also demonstrably able to deliver some exciting but relatively low risk suggestions, you want to get all the observations the voice has to offer. If I tried to say here how the voice sounds, it would be B movie "it just appears as a free spirit message". Spent mucho time pondering. But the suggestions NEVER are as exciting as being on the direct receiving edge of her surges. She exclusively demonstrates she gets it just like I got it and the resulting dose of endorphins, insulated from any response I portray, makes my legs turn into noodles. And the next day still a little noodled. I do believe our soul is and forever will be thevoice we both listened to the most.

October 8, 2005

Genius might be the ability to say a profound thing in a simple way. ~~Charles Bukowski

Do overs used to be a sign of second chances where mistakes could be corrected and in the society of ladies, another chance to find love. So what ever happened to do overs after finding the zone? There is no rerun feature of making it into another day with her in my arms. Usually Tuesday is different from Sunday not only in the to-do list but also in the inner glow when the affection pours out. The idea of ever getting where a do over with her was an option seems so far fetched that Hubble is needed just to get a speck of that realm. Do overs, like bad football Saturdays and unrestrained fantasies are gone from the abode.

Oct 7, 2005

Thirty days has September April June and Novober All the rest have peanut butter except my grandmother and she has a little red tricycle ~~Alfred E. Neuman

Runaway What-ifs hide humor better than a dusty carpet. OK - what if the really bad what-ifs show on your face? Are you thinking wall? Better call Bob Blaublau Law. The incredible thing is we're both locked into working on the zone, taking care of business in each of our ways and means then spottin' a drop from the bah-ul, befriending a jet, amazed that there's always more in the love shack and thankfully nuzzlin' into some pleasing place. Love knows no regrets leaving the tears to be shown in all those funny places. The blind guy with the baked potato in Soul Plane made me cry more than New Orleans meets the sea water.

Oct 6, 2005

It got to a point where every script I was being offered involved some kind of nudity. And I had to say to myself, 'Okay, people want to see the girl from "Who's the Boss" with her tits out.' I had to decide between eating and doing what I love, acting, or getting a job at the Burger King. So I went hooters to the wind, and now I live in a mansion. Deal with it." ~~Alyssa Milano

In the recipe for happiness is the portion that goes for the basic taste. All the food eaten as a kid falls into the basic taste. Then there's the portion that goes for today taste. You can't maintain happiness if you rely exclusively on basic taste. This has nothing to do with "what have you done for me in the last 5 minutes?" but is more like "you were happy on Tuesday, what happened?". Grown up Doggie Howser might say "the difference in Happy and Happen is E comes before N, so you HAVE to be HappE for good things to HappN." My discoveries have to be centered around what makes her happy because that's what makes good things happen. You ask what about my happiness? I offer the best of the soul trimmings from the day with the only limitation that maintaining clarity of self doesn't lead to a high dose of indulgence. Listening to Joe Williams, Oscar Peterson and others while messin' with Modiglianis and all the while extending the range of motion of my synapses is instant, elevated happiness.

Oct 5, 2005

There is no chance, no destiny, no fate, that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul. ~~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

The core of the reasoning for pursuing discovery when your grown nose is whispering Karl Malden is the admission we still haven't figured ourself out and new true information just might light up the dark areas. of our self-knowledge. Anxiety in the dreams means unconfronted or undiscovered sources of anxiety incurred during consciousness, so time spent on discovery here is promising. I keep retracing to guilt from my former life since my days are stress free and consider my worry level to be in the normal range. But today I found alexithymia which is a cognitive disorder where you can't describe emotions in words. One of its marks is few dreams from lack of imagination. Kind of erectile disfunction of the empathy probe. I just added a line to my attributes "alexithymia-free".

Oct 4, 2005

Singing the rendition Of hope in my condition Caught up in defending That truth is never ending One fine morning I'll awake Then reaffirm One fine morning I'll awake To love's return ~~Collective Soul

We are a corporation of two. Our charter and mission statement is the soul we share. Deliverables and customer satisfaction are replaced with just enjoying the ride the soul has preordained and chauffeured. Its a one-of-a-kind corporation because it's the only one with her and I together but even more meaningful, its soul is one of the kind that always fuels with love. Every soul is love bound but certain ones, like the one that propels us, spews red hearts endlessly, and emphatically points out what works and what doesn't. We came from different places and know the torment in the search that brought us face to face. What a gift to begin each morning ready to ride.

Oct 3, 2005

It's much easier to consume the visual image than to read something. ~~Lawrence Ferlinghetti

Finding the midpoint is often where we start when figuring out a batch of information. This assumes there are similarities that can be added and divided by 2. Relationships that fall in the middlin' catagory are the predictable result of dividing by two. As in you do the toilets and I'll rake the leaves //smeh!. The real penthouse point in a relationship requires both willing to take the ride as high as it can go in harmony, both trusting the soul to seek serenity. So why spend anytime trying to find midpoints? Spending life with someone getting the exact messages from the same soul is beyond finesse - it's a chosen experience that has no bad cuts. It's above A-List, more decadent than castles, beyond a capella harmonies and more brilliant than Capella in Auriga. Too much soul is a wonderful thing.

Oct 2, 2005

Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. ~~Robert Frost

Like the silver sword of breakthrough, piercing the awareness of another time, the chorus I memorized but never performed plays in my mind. Tender discord retains an air of futilty in our realm where harmony seeks its own refrain. Regression stokes that futility to a simple restatement of the obvious - only love can really set us free. Finding new meaning in old lessons is a luxury, one that can divert from recognizing new territory. Love of only one person means among all the people I love, she gets none of the hold backs, a higher level of finesse, an open view of my everything that no one gets to discern - the unblemished wilderness of our soul. Our new territory is unleashed by the comprehension of every unzip resulting from persistent nurturing and divine attention to the good parts. She is just flawless in her love, satisfying our soul simply beyond where it has ever been. A serene soul is the supreme pleasure.

Oct 1, 2005

Man is the only animal for whom his own existence is a problem which he has to solve. ~~Erich Fromm

Chasing dreams in a You Did - Did Not world can be lethal to lifestyles that are independent of stir-the-pot strategies. Maybe that's why love so easily silences instructions to trigger those are-we-having-fun-yet escapades. The picture of a guy in his $10k spa replete with plasma TV dissolves in a blink to eyes that routinely see her face, hear her words and feel her adoration among the bubbles in the grotto we call 'cuzz. It just happens to be a place where the amplitudes of free verse cascade in place of sonnets from another redemption. The exchange is the O in the compound which eludes alchemists of the soul but remains the discovery of a lifetime. Take that to the bank from a dream chaser in a former life.

Sep 30, 2005

Money isn't the most important thing in life, but it's reasonably close to oxygen on the "gotta have it" scale. ~~Zig Ziglar

Licked in the Late Innings

Is saying the unthinkable the same as making it possible? I'd love to stay in the place where thinking about it is the same as making it is. Conjure = actual. For the first time ever I can share my thoughts, knowing they are treated as actual, but it flummoxes me to keep this from Rusty Trombone. She likes the parts where she disagrees not so much. So the pandemic of political correctness in the recent past was based on thinking correctly or be accused of thinking the unthinkable, ergo making the terrorists win. I think the trick is to pick your audience and still get your thoughts out for your own benefit if for no one else. What is better than answer love, read, write, imagine, create, maintain range of motion, no horizon on range of emotions which fuel romance and cocooning in dreamland when asked "what do you do?"?

Sept 29, 2005

In sci-fi convention, life-forms that hadn't developed space travel were mere prehistory - horse-shoe crabs of the cosmic scene - and something of the humiliation of being stuck on a provincial planet in a galactic backwater has stayed with me ever since. ~~Barbara Ehrenreich

Writing about dreams always confronts the insight vs. waste of time argument. When you wake up to a dream where you are back to your former existence, almost glad to be there because you say that in the dream, and the place is falling apart, the neighborhood went to shit and you ponder whether that's shame flowing over you for leaving and permitting the place to go to shit. But it ain't never going to shit because the place was revered by the current owner and will be treated accordingly, death do they part. So the dream instantly goes to the catagory Bad Dream at Nite, Great Dream All Day. Now here's a similarity - during the Great dream, she's at work draining her capacity, woikin' hahd for the money and she'd never flee her homeland frivolously either. But she & I fled for love which flows through everyday with a flavor that keeps tasting better. She finds the meaning better than I could in my best days and shares it with me effortlessly. But her pretty woman quality transcends Julia in galactic magnitudes and never spent no time in a whorehouse neither. I reverberate with her heightened taste about what goes with what here, then I make what's there taste even better. It's the only way we live.

Sep 28, 2005

Caring About Our World

Obviously the facts are never just coming at you but are incorporated by an imagination that is formed by your previous experience. Memories of the past are not memories of facts but memories of your imaginings of the facts. ~~Philip Roth

We begin believing by believing in God (forget Santa, Tooth Fairy period). God lets us experience what its like to really believe in something. We believe God cares about us. That's where we learn to care about others like God cares about us. So when you get to the point in life where you've disengaged from Care About the World and instead you care totally about the woman you really love, you just might be appearing as cold to the CAW crowd. That's OK. Maybe if you never had a CAW revelation in your lifetime, you may not have met the disengaged back then - Somebody will always do that stuff...Red Cross Nurse syndrome....If you don't give back, you'll miss out on heaven...if you just take care of your own nest, what happens after The Big One?? When I came here, I came to ride out the rest of my mortal life encased in love - right here with her. Doing the give back part endures, but now it is giving it to life with her unashamedly.

Sep 27, 2005

Delay always breeds danger; and to protract a great design is often to ruin it. ~~Miguel de Cervantes

The best thing about self-analysis is after years of success after success, you can move on to soulmate analysis. The sharing of a soul can be analyzed using the things that worked in getting so adept about the essentials of your self. So adept that you always go to what you want as in YOU want. The goal of establishing what WE want is what reigns supreme in the zone, so always knowing what works to make the zone be everyday is where I'm focusing. Knowing what comes out of me as pissy to her needs fixing, and I'm already into the fix that all STFUs WILL come out as Hey Babys. That came from the sharing thing and taking her tip beholdenly. A definite day after day, defuzzing from impairment still in progress. Competency portrayed minus the ball-busting restocking via bike. The trick is to be willing to detach from what you've learned about women, and focus on just that woman who shares our soul - there's still PLENTY to be learned from her....unconstrained passion.

Sep 26 2005

In order for the artist to have a world to express he must first be situated in this world, oppressed or oppressing, resigned or rebellious, a man among men. ~~Charles Baudelaire

Confessing the inevitable

When thinking about what takes away from being happy (worry) it goes to competency portrayed, not merely mentioned. When recounting short term memory about what I was capable of doing exceptionally well (we don't do subpar very well - cluttered garage not a good example), I still draw blanks. Blanks are not so good. I think my anxiety associated with dreams has been quelled by having faith that dreams happen during sleep and since sleep is the healing time, dreams = excellent. But blanks are another thing entirely. Since they're only occurances during elevated impairment, the 1st step is to eliminate EI as we'll call it. Day one of EI NEVER AGAIN. So back to portrayed competency - we're hopefully not on the brink of Jane Ybarra Syndrone (retirement is the solution to fix the declining situation on the homefront). That, regrettably, would mean I'm sending a less-than-competent signal to her. Retirement is the solution for extending time in the zone permanently. I virtually live there to the grandest possibility when she's not right here. But when she's here permanently, huzzah! It's from never letting the boundry get close to "what about me?" meaning if I ever find myself writing "what about me?" then we instantly go to Invoke Jane Ybarra antidote. I need to douse her worries about here when she's away. All Competency all the time.

Sep 25 2005

The computer can't tell you the emotional story. It can give you the exact mathematical design, but what's missing is the eyebrows. Frank Zappa

Oh, the oblivion of impairment - almost forgot what the full effect feels like. Thankfully, she handled the return to here flawlessly. It added up to the grass isn't greener anywhere else. So the love beam is penetrating the clouds from Stagg's Leap and she's furthering the momentum by just being herself. It almost appears that when she does her and I do me here, the strength in the center relaxes the stretched amygdalas, limbering the limbics. The evening and tomorrow will have all the added pleasure of the Hoed button held down. Well, it's tomorrow already.

Sep 23, 2005

Intuition is linear; our imaginations are weak. Even the brightest of us only extrapolate from what we know now; for the most part, we're afraid to really stretch. ~~Ray Kurzweil

So the light of insight lit her lunch time. Too much required discourse with the counterpart to engage in bullshit; too much achievement in getting things accomplished to not use it. So the dream returned again last nite, so much for exorcism via this. But once I stop, there better be in place a way of capturing these highlights of understanding. If she asks what scares me, I'd start with worst possible - dissolution. Knowing that won't ever come from me, the next would be that my lack of perfectionism (isn't that a great term for terminal laziness?) wears us thin. I've already admitted she's better than I in the shop and I still cling to the notion of rising to the occasion instead of signing on to work strengthens while pleasure consumes. I could be wrong.

Sep 21, 2005

A cause may be inconvenient, but it's magnificent. It's like champagne or high heels, and one must be prepared to suffer for it. ~~Arnold Bennett

The practice of meaningful conversations gets some credit for the magic last night. Even the timing was spongeworthy. She's smarter than me when topics are framed in a business motif so it never goes in loops if we stick with the logic. The darkness of the candlelight and the soothing sounds in the distance were the difference in softening the harshness of the exaggerated words we used to get us each an action item (you tho't I was kidding about the binnnesss thing...): She's going to come up with a first line of defense for the issue that she made her top priority and I will eliminate any and all obstacles to the reward of having fun. Beyond the faith, beyond the hoed, the grape hailed the agape, the words reached our soul and the back rub induced another frenzy of the rocked world variety. I'm surprised this is as lucid as it is, but not surprised that I'm so deep in the zone the Big Bang hasn't happened yet - and I think she might be, too

Sep20,2005

The true sign of intelligence is not knowledge but imagination. ~~Albert Einstein

Conversation got off to a familiar tone so no mention of the weekend. I could see some minor disgust in yesterday's tone so I probably anticipated that putting thoughts here was going to take more steps. More is better, I'll take that ploy and not restrain nor use any mood enhancer flavoring for the sake of elevating her happiness here. But I need to be on that revelation track without fear of inciting her flight to silence, otherwise known as not impressed with your swinging dick. That's actually too harsh to label her after a stressful week but it comes out my brain that way so it ends up here that way. It's also probably too harsh to use "so why don't you use what works for sustaining your happiness" when I know the answer is that's what I'm here for. She needs constant infusion of happiness maintainers but first is to clear the queue of unfinished business. Workin' on that, Nat.

FOR OPENER'S

Sep19,2005

As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being. ~~Carl G. Jung

I always knew lvlovers.com would come in handy. My spot on blogspot.com went from a source of joint revelation to a wedge of potential mountainous proportions so here's where Fall 2005 begins from the fingertips of a smitten lover. I want to get a conversation going with her like a therapist using cognitive or behavior or aversion therapy and have her say the coldest most exaggerated opinion she's thought about our fallout this weekend. I'm using the following: You came out your ass again and now you want to cover your ass like you do when you think you're in need of a defense. You don't come out your ass much at work but you still think of a response when you think you touch the line. If you really believe going off alone on a weekend with that part of you that likes me not so much, all because of a word on Rusty Trombone, and you think that's a sign of deep happiness, we have alot more talking to do. If you think it's not the word but the IDEA that I'd criticize you that you believe is worthy of a silent weekend, then I need to ask you why the other words that describe how essential it is we stay in the zone don't count? And if you just admit there may be something to getting bummed out by the week's aches and pains, I'd say you picked the ideal spot and time to get that out, but we could do it conversationally if you'd keep your temper under control ( I say temper, you say hurt feelings - same difference for this discussion.) So if I can get this started tonite, I'll summarize tomorrow.